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Holiday worries

Tamarinda

I'm going on holiday today for a week with my family. I have been looking forward to this after a period of burnout and in theory I like the idea of escaping from my responsibilities, but now it has come to it and I'm feeling extremely anxious and stressed.

I find this often happenes that I like the idea of something (such as meeting a friend) but when it comes to actually doing it it feels too much and I just want to stay home. My husbands friend is staying in our home to look after the guinea pig while we're away but that is adding an extra layer of stress.

It's not helping that I have hurt my shoulder today so it is hard to move and also it is so hot. It's making it hard to get on with things.

Things I'm currently stressed about are:

- Forgetting to pack something that I might need

- We're getting an early flight which means we need to leave for the airport at 2am. Worried about not getting any sleep 

- That I will get too stressed out travelling and have a meltdown 

- Not been able to find food I like/ can eat on holiday 

- Something going wrong either on holiday or at home 

- Getting ill while away or someone in my family getting ill 

- Leaving behind my guinea pig 

- Having my husband's friend staying in my house. My husband told him he could sleep in our bed as he thought it was unfair to make him sleep on the camp bed but I feel very uncomfortable with this and feel like I need to hide all the personal things in my bedroom such as diaries, medications, teddy bears etc.

- Getting the house ready to go away - throwing away old food in the fridge, cleaning, laundry etc

I'm going with my husband, two daughters and my parents. I haven't told my parents that my 16-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with autism and that I'm going through assessment because they are of a generation that don't believe in neurodiversity. When my other daughter was diagnosed with ADHD they said there was nothing wrong with her, she's just naughty and there are too many labels these days etc, so I don't feel confident speaking to them about autism. 

In theory holidays are meant to be fun but this is all stressing me out so much I wonder if it is worth it. Then it makes me feel sad that I can't just enjoy things and guilty that I'm not more grateful (we spent the money we were given for our wedding on this holiday).

Anyone else struggle with holidays?

  • When I have been on holiday I have most of the anxieties you mention. However I also have some good memories of places I have been.

  • Prep is a big worry, thankfully I have lists done from every time we've gone away so I can normally find one and double check my new list. 

    I also agree that having people stay can be more stressful, as you also then have to get the house in order aswell as sorting out going away. It's like two separate jobs and adds to the stress. 

    If the parents get too much, just go hide in the room for a bit, your children might appreciate the down time too if offered.

    I can't sleep at all the night before going anywhere, the anxiety is too much, but I figure just lying in a dark room for a bit is okay. I have trouble sleeping new places too, so holidays are really tiring for the first few days, then it'll be time to go home again so can normally manage it. 

    It does tend to feel better when you get there and the travel anxiety can take a break. Food seems to have gotten easier over the years, you don't need to eat the local cuisine if you don't get on with it. Mobiles help a lot too, as we went to France 2 years ago, and my daughter wasn't eating breakfast and only wanted to eat tomato pasta for lunch. But with the help of the internet, we found somewhere!

    Wishing you well, I hope you can enjoy some of it!

  • There's some advice here that might be helpful:

    NAS - Going on holiday: tips for autistic people and families

    I have a spreadsheet-based checklist that I (used to) print off and use before going away - although the last time we actually went on holiday together was seven years ago. Cry It covered both things to do at home in preparation, and everything that I needed to pack, split by suitcase vs hand baggage.

    I definitely wouldn't like the idea of anyone else sleeping in my bed! 

  • in reply to Roy

    Thank you for replying. I think I will be OK once I get there - just the preparation and anticipation is a lot to deal with! 

  • When away my wife understands that some meals will be KFC or McDonald’s, she doesn’t actually mind the odd KFC herself. I wouldn’t personally try and sleep if the flight is that early. I would remove personal items from my bedroom,  if you forget something you need to pack, normally you can just buy another one.

    Parents can be a nightmare, I would try and get some alone time, you might find travel easier with a sunflower lanyard. Is your husband able to shield you from some of your worries, such as in-laws? It’s quite normal for autistic people to hate the unknown. Sorry I can’t help more.