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Helpsarahthanks

Hello all, my autistic husband and I keep having the same issue where we disagree,  we talk about it later,  come to an understanding.... and then have the exact same discussion a week or two later. For me it's maddening because I remind him of our last conversation so we can do what we agreed to last time... but none of that lands. He's mad bc he feels I'm criticizing him,  and he starts off by being defensive and questioning big scale general things like why do I like x or want y (that have nothing to do with the actual item of discussion).  So we end up with multiple talk->understand and agree on next time->next time comes-> same misunderstanding/poor response.

Again,  same topic. Same conclusions. But when it comes up again,  it's like we never talked about it.

Also,  any advice on getting him to actually acknowledge the aspects of autism that he has to address?  Part of this seems to be the notion that he "can't really be that wrong".  He misses that he is not wrong,  he is just not able to see that I have a valid perspective too.  When calm he acknowledges this.   When something comes up and he's stressed,  it all disappears (just like the conversations above....)

If you know how I can stop getting stuck I'd appreciate it. 

Thank you. 

Parents

  • How old is he? Is it possible that he's getting dementia as this is quite common with dementia, I have a similar thing with a friend, I think we've agreed something and then he has no memory of it whatsoever, it's hard to work out what's dementia, whats mandeafness or if its something he's genuinely forgotten. What makes it harder is that he refuses to accept that he could of forgotten whether due to dementia or just normal forgetting. He has terrible mandeafness, where he only listens to about one word in three of what I say to him and then wonders why he's confused by the world. Part of the mandeafness includes seeming to believe that I agreed with him, or at least thats what he says, I think half the time he never intended to take any notice of me and just asked my opinion for appearances sake. That seems to be the only explaination for why he tries to insist that I want a big badge merc that does miles per lampost and costs as much to tax as it costs to buy, when I actually want something the size of a golf or fiesta.

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  • How old is he? Is it possible that he's getting dementia as this is quite common with dementia, I have a similar thing with a friend, I think we've agreed something and then he has no memory of it whatsoever, it's hard to work out what's dementia, whats mandeafness or if its something he's genuinely forgotten. What makes it harder is that he refuses to accept that he could of forgotten whether due to dementia or just normal forgetting. He has terrible mandeafness, where he only listens to about one word in three of what I say to him and then wonders why he's confused by the world. Part of the mandeafness includes seeming to believe that I agreed with him, or at least thats what he says, I think half the time he never intended to take any notice of me and just asked my opinion for appearances sake. That seems to be the only explaination for why he tries to insist that I want a big badge merc that does miles per lampost and costs as much to tax as it costs to buy, when I actually want something the size of a golf or fiesta.

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