Hi,
This is my first post in here as it’s reached the point now where I can finally say “I need help!”
My son is 19yrs old & is on the lower end of the autistic spectrum & was lucky enough to get his statement (now EHCP) when he was in primary school. He has just finished his 4th year in college, which was a supported internship & has just retaken his English & Maths GCSE’s again. The internship wasn’t a great success as he was in a placement for all of 3 weeks before dropping out, but that’s not the reason I’m here asking for help.
A bit of background so you can understand what we have both been through:
- Me & Will’s mum separated in 2012 when he was 6. We had a 50:50 custody which worked well & she was only 15 minutes drive away.
- I had a long term girlfriend that lived with us up until 2024 until we separated & she moved away with no contact with him since.
- When Will turned 18 his mum left & moved to Ireland, leaving him with me full time. He visits in half terms & holidays
- My girlfriend of a year & a half gets on really well with Will & has her own place 20 minutes drive away. She supports him with everything & they are amazing together.
Since his mum left he has been a completely different person. Before he was always so nice, we would always do things together & he would talk to me about everything. We had a real bond. He had a difficult relationship with his mum, where he would go to hers & feel like he ran the house. I would often be asked to call or even go & speak to him to as he would show no respect at all.
Now a lot of things have changed. He doesn’t want to speak to her when she calls & I have to tell him to answer his phone when she calls so she can speak to him. But for me his attitude to me & how he is has changed greatly. Often resulting in arguments between us, which was never a thing before.
My main concerns for him are:
- Health & personal hygiene
- Online safety
- Loneliness
- Making friends
- His lies, deception & attempts at manipulation
- Financial awareness
- How would he survive if I wasn’t here
I’ve had to take control of his phone in many ways to try & keep him safe from harm. I’ve also had to take away his PlayStation because Sony gave him an adult account & despite my attempt's to plea with them about people taking advantage of him online they refused to help.
He had WhatsApp removed from his phone a while ago because he kept giving out his number to fake online accounts on his PlayStation & Xbox just so he could talk to people. These were people in countries all over the world that were trying to use his vulnerability to get money/gifts etc…
His PlayStation has been taken away because he would stay up until 3am on a college day talking to anyone online & the digital world became his reality. But it wasn’t normal conversations. He would sexualise everything, ask to be random peoples boyfriend, say his parents were killed or that he was going to hurt himself…for attention.
He recently had some online help sessions where a lady showed him how to be safe online. This was because despite all my attempts to help him & keep him safe he would listen for maybe a day & then go back to his old ways. After she said he was safe to be online I signed him up to Instagram but I had control of the password & could see all his messages etc…because I wanted to be sure.
For a while it was fine, but then he started following some strange accounts & messaging people with the same things again. I can see that he’s a lonely autistic teenager that doesn’t know how to communicate online & needs support/help. But to someone else this can come across as very creepy & sometimes worrying. He’s also been drawn into conversations with fake accounts that prey on his vulnerability & loneliness before asking him for money in the form of gift cards. I’ve tried twice to warn him, but no matter how much I try he just keeps going back. So today I took his Instagram away.
I truly wish for him to be able to meet new friends & be able to be online so he can join clubs/groups etc… but I don’t know how he can be?
I also found about 20 empty cans of monster hidden in his room & a whole bin bag full of rubbish (cookie packets, chocolate, junk food etc…) stuffed behind his bed! I don’t know where he gets the money & I couldn’t understand why he was putting on so much weight but the weight gain makes much more sense now.
He doesn’t wash properly or clean his teeth properly & his hygiene isn’t great.
I feel like both of us need some help now sooner rather than later for the sake of his future. I worry about him, I’m trying the best that I can, but I feel like I’m failing as a father.
Is there anywhere I can talk to that would truly be able to give us the help we need so that he can have a better life & I can start to have a little less worry about him.
Sorry for the long post but I’m hoping I’m not alone. Thank you in advance
