Relationship Frustration and Loneliness

I would love to hear from anyone who is ADHD with RSD and in a relationship with an Autistic person.

I have ADHD and am highly sensitive and emotional; my husband is autistic (high-functioning) and cannot communicate any emotion. He is a lovely man, kind and decent, but emotionally closed.

We’ve been together for 17 years and have a nice family and home. However, for most of those 17 years, I have felt deeply frustrated with his inability to talk about anything emotional or about feelings.

I feel repressed and frustrated because my emotional needs are not being met.  He still wants sex; I don’t. I’ve tried to explain to him that most women need an emotional connection to feel aroused. He doesn’t get it or doesn’t know how to respond. He is also unconfident in bed (because he struggles with any form of self-expression) and, consequently, has delayed ejaculation. For 17 years, I have tried to keep our sex life going but I hate it because it takes him ages to ***. Again, I’ve tried talking about it but he gets defensive and shuts down. 

I’m so sad, lonely and frustrated. I don’t want our marriage to end because we are good friends who get on well most of the time. But I feel desperately stuck. I’m only in my early fifties but I feel like my sex/love life is well and truly over.

Please respond if any of this rings a bell with you.

Thank you