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It's like it's not real

NAS71232

If I mention autism to my mother (who has two very autistic grandchilden), she shuts me down. She finds the word offensive.

"You haven't been diagnosed, so don't talk about it! Shut up! " I don't know why she is ashamed by it.

I just want to live on my own. I don't have family or friends. I will try my hardest to get my own place and isolate.

Proving my condition to the council is going to be draining. I don't have energy because of my gut disease and Barrett's esophagus.

God speed my friends. I'm not sure if I have the energy to do this. 

I'm not wanted, but I don't want to cull myself. It would be nice if I had a council property where I can just sleep without the loud noises.

Parents

  • thoughts going out to you from me  

    I've seen that sort of "judgement" from close family myself.

    maybe rather than being heavy on your mother be heavy on the wider society that imposes the perceived need for your mother to be like she is - you're important to her but the "weight" of societal judgement can sometimes even exceed the weight of a parent for the child...

    you've had the energy to post on it and that's been enough to register your thought for people who want to support you or need to know they are not alone in this

    Best wishes

    Phased

  • in reply to Phased

    I'm very nice to my mum Phased :) I just want to be alone.My mother has a very loud mouth. Her mother called her canary when she was young. She can't stand silence and I can't stand noise. 

  • in reply to NAS71232

    Sadly we don’t all have the parents we deserve. By the time i got my diagnosis my mother had dementia and my dad was very dismissive and rude about my diagnosis of autism. I spent years trying to get my parents to be more understanding - and to be honest it was a waste of energy really. Your mum probably doesnt have the capacity and understanding to give you the support you need, - and she probably never will do. So with parents like that the best thing is build up your own sense of your own value, your own self esteem, and take care of yourself and your mental health in whatever way you can. Dont let her bring you down. Dont waste your energy trying to convince her. Accept that she isnt able to give you all the love and support you need. She probably really does love you very much, but isnt able to show that love in the best way, or understand what you need. Her parents may well have not been great either - which might be helpful to consider. 
    I’m sorry, i know it’s hard. She might well be doing the best she can. But either way : know that you have value, that you deserve love and understanding, and that you will find your way through to a time when this all feels less overwhelming. 

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  • in reply to NAS71232

    Sadly we don’t all have the parents we deserve. By the time i got my diagnosis my mother had dementia and my dad was very dismissive and rude about my diagnosis of autism. I spent years trying to get my parents to be more understanding - and to be honest it was a waste of energy really. Your mum probably doesnt have the capacity and understanding to give you the support you need, - and she probably never will do. So with parents like that the best thing is build up your own sense of your own value, your own self esteem, and take care of yourself and your mental health in whatever way you can. Dont let her bring you down. Dont waste your energy trying to convince her. Accept that she isnt able to give you all the love and support you need. She probably really does love you very much, but isnt able to show that love in the best way, or understand what you need. Her parents may well have not been great either - which might be helpful to consider. 
    I’m sorry, i know it’s hard. She might well be doing the best she can. But either way : know that you have value, that you deserve love and understanding, and that you will find your way through to a time when this all feels less overwhelming. 

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