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This is hard to talk about

Katherine

I’m newly diagnosed ASD and there’s a lot I need to learn. There’s a part of my thinking that I’m ashamed of and it frightens me. I’m wondering if anyone in the community can relate or shed some light on it, please?

When I reach a point where I’m not coping then sometimes my feelings flip. For example I love my dog beyond measure. I find it difficult to be apart from him and we have our own language. However he has health issues which cause me a lot of distress. When he’s poorly I find myself thinking “well he’ll just die and then I can get a dog which doesn’t give me all this stress”. Similarly my husband has a grandson who I used to love to pieces. We went on holiday last year and I had a bad episode of burnout/ meltdown and we had to come home after only a couple of days. Now I see the little one as a threat and dread having to have anything to do with him. I can remember my previous feelings of love but not recover them.

Both of these examples make me feel like a monster. I guess I’m hoping for some reassurance, or maybe a way to challenge this thinking and find a way out of it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Parents

  • Hi 

    The whole thing can be confusing and distressing. I have problems around interpersonal relationships, I just don't miss people when they aren't around, no matter how close to them I should be. I've lost people along the way that should have deeply affected me but I didn't. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and not feeling love towards my "nearest and dearest" but it's just the way I'm wired,I still struggle to accept it though.

    When my first dog died I was completely devastated and refused to get another one, it took my wife and kids 7 years to persuade me, I was determined not to get too attached to the new one, obviously I failed miserably. His death was very traumatic and equally as devastating.

    I have two rescues now and one of them is about 12 and the other is 7 ISH. I don't know I I'll get anymore when they go.

  • in reply to Hergé

    This is me I don’t miss people either and it makes me feel abnormal. I really feel for your pain in losing your dogs and admire you for rescuing. When my dog goes I think I will rescue to give back to the dog community too.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Katherine

    We got Herbert (the staffy) first and he was extremely shut down and entirely broken, he'd come from a hoarding situation and hadn't experienced the outside world for the 1st 5 years of his life. Harper (our feral pipe cleaner) is Herberts' emotional support animal. She was found tied up and half starved, we got her about 18 months after Herb. They both came from the RSPCA shelter near us. We'd previously had Weimaraners but after they went we decided to rescue a dog on real need of a loving home. this was Hergé, long gone but not forgotten. That's where my handle comes from. He was named after the creator of Tintin.