Abrupt Ending of 15 year marriage - can anyone help me to understand

Hi all,  a number of you have very kindly helped me recently when i was in the early days of my husband suddenly ending our fifteen year marriage.  I am still navigating it and I am finding it really hard. We have essentially not communicated and he wants everything to go through the solicitors.   Is there anyone who has suddenly ended a relationship who might be able to tell me how it is 'from the other side'.  There were (to me) no obvious signs other than I was aware that we were both experiencing stress.  I had just had my own diagnosis and I was reeling from that. iIn retrospect i can see that we had a 'perfect storm' of stressors and I feel terrible that I did not see the signs that he was struggling.    I know if is a big ask but i would very much appreciate anyone willing to share either in a private message or on here, what the mechanism was and whether there is any hope of any kind reconnection somewhere in the future?  I miss my husband terribly - i miss his friendship more than i can say.  I know that everyone on here is an individual and it might not be the same for everyone but i am desperate to have more of an understanding of the situation.  I would very much appreciate any help. 

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  • I am about three months in to an amicable separation,  .

    It has been difficult for us both. While my former partner instigated the conversation to seperate, I have been on another planet since the COVID years, more serious, teetotal, and recently, diagnosed autistic.

    I think the selves we were when we met are gone, and that is pretty healthy after 20 years together.

    We have children. Our agreed aim is to provide stability for them. My personal objective beyond that is to avoid becoming a jaded or hateful old man. 

    The norms to which we became accustomed; our roles, the effort to sustain all but our relationship, the balance of time and energy of being working parents, all factors that put weight on something once sunny and now historic.

    Yet we retain a mutual interest in each other's well being, and that is heartening in a world that can be very lonely, especially as a person with autism.

  • Thank you very much alushjoyhand.  I am glad that you have your diagnosis - i have just been diagnoses with ADHD and suddenly the madness that is the world i try to navigate makes sense to me.  I am not broken,  i am just wired differently. i am so glad to hear that you both retain a good relationship and view of the other.  Right up until this happened my husband and I were planning a move and a new life and he seemed keen for that.  I hope that you and your ex-partner continue to get along, not just for your children but for each other.  The world can indeed be a lonely place - i worry about my husband being lonely all the time and as i said,  we were each others person for such a long time that navigating this world without him currently feels impossible and scary.

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  • Thank you very much alushjoyhand.  I am glad that you have your diagnosis - i have just been diagnoses with ADHD and suddenly the madness that is the world i try to navigate makes sense to me.  I am not broken,  i am just wired differently. i am so glad to hear that you both retain a good relationship and view of the other.  Right up until this happened my husband and I were planning a move and a new life and he seemed keen for that.  I hope that you and your ex-partner continue to get along, not just for your children but for each other.  The world can indeed be a lonely place - i worry about my husband being lonely all the time and as i said,  we were each others person for such a long time that navigating this world without him currently feels impossible and scary.

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