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Abrupt Ending of 15 year marriage - can anyone help me to understand

googlefox

Hi all,  a number of you have very kindly helped me recently when i was in the early days of my husband suddenly ending our fifteen year marriage.  I am still navigating it and I am finding it really hard. We have essentially not communicated and he wants everything to go through the solicitors.   Is there anyone who has suddenly ended a relationship who might be able to tell me how it is 'from the other side'.  There were (to me) no obvious signs other than I was aware that we were both experiencing stress.  I had just had my own diagnosis and I was reeling from that. iIn retrospect i can see that we had a 'perfect storm' of stressors and I feel terrible that I did not see the signs that he was struggling.    I know if is a big ask but i would very much appreciate anyone willing to share either in a private message or on here, what the mechanism was and whether there is any hope of any kind reconnection somewhere in the future?  I miss my husband terribly - i miss his friendship more than i can say.  I know that everyone on here is an individual and it might not be the same for everyone but i am desperate to have more of an understanding of the situation.  I would very much appreciate any help. 

Parents

  • Hello, I'm sorry you are finding it so hard and can imagine how you must feel. I don't have anything to suggest, I wish I did.

    If you can't talk indirectly through a 3rd party friend or family member and say what he meant to you, I don't know what the answer is. Time may help, as I think was mentioned before. But this may be many months. It can take 6 months or more to recover from burnout, but I don't want to give you false hope.

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  • Hello, I'm sorry you are finding it so hard and can imagine how you must feel. I don't have anything to suggest, I wish I did.

    If you can't talk indirectly through a 3rd party friend or family member and say what he meant to you, I don't know what the answer is. Time may help, as I think was mentioned before. But this may be many months. It can take 6 months or more to recover from burnout, but I don't want to give you false hope.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Stuart333 Have you experienced burnout - if so,  can you tell me whether you were able to function through it - or was it (as i have read) a complete inability to navigate things? 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks Stuart333 - i really appreciate your kind reply.  I have asked him to reconsider and I have told him via the solicitors that I do not want a divorce - but also that I respect his decision.  I have no hope of saving our marriage but we have been each other's 'person' for 15 years and it feels so hard to accept that there is not even a friendship left.  We met once in person since my last post and in the meeting he said he sometimes misses me and sometimes worries about me - he came back for a hug and he was visibly upset, but then he stopped any direct communication because he said he 'could not do it'. I do not think this is burnout because everything i have read says that burnout is a complete collapse and he has been able to navigate the legal ending of our marriage far quicker than I can understand.  I am heartbroken.  I hope if anyone on here is unhappy in their relationship that they do find a way to speak about it before it ends in the way that mine did - if there is a chance to save a relationship, communication is the key to it. Thank you again.