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Your views please?

struggling mum

Hi all, 

I've posted this here as would really welcome some views from those who may share some of my sons challenges. Some know that I've had challenges with the sen transport and to cut a long story short I appreciate they are providing a service but neither my son nor I are getting on with it. Of the five days his been to school his had four different escorts and I now feel I'm handing my son to a different stranger everyday. He feels 'babied' seeing his friends waiting for the bus outside and he has someone walking with him to a taxi and even trying to hold his hand! (He 11, has his challenges but very independent minded like me). I know they're doing their best and following 'the rules' but feel especially as he becomes a teenager his going to feel very different to his friends and frustrated at the lack of independence.

I've actually now sold the house (its been on the market 3 years as we've really needed somewhere bigger). I've always wanted to go a particular town but had all night talks with my partner about the best way forward for my son during the next few years. I've come to the conclusion that rather than where I intended which would require transport that it would be better for my son to be as close to the school as I can find. The intention is that he can walk to school (even discounted the bus as crowded and wonder if he'd have problems with that). I asked my son his preference between transport or walking and he says walking as feel taxis are always changing etc. I also feel it will give him chance to create better bonds with friends as his very sociable when with friendly children and if close to school can invite them home, go to theirs etc. The closest suitable house I've found is half a mile from the school on same route as his cousin walks. It looks likely I can get this house but suddenly I'm up all night worrying. My concern is that he has this SEN label and that his in a communciation unit at the moment. Does this mean its not appropriate to walk half a mile with his cousin even if I feel he is very capable? Will the communciation unit refuse to let him go without an adult? I've thought that should problems arise I can drop off and pick up and on the three afternoons a week that I can't I can contract a private taxi for him. I know tho that he will not want me (mum) dropping and picking up when the others are walking/catching buses now. 

Any advice would be most welcome. I sincerley want to do the very best for my son. I feel being close to the school will allow him the opportunities to increase his independence at his pace and of his chosing (I would never force him into something he wasn't happy with). I just can't see him accepting an escort and taxi at say 13. But am I mad for potentially allowing my child to walk half a mile even if thats what he wants? I know you don't know my son and judge his capabilities but any thoughts would be most welcome. 

Thank-you x

  • Thank you Yorkshirelass yes I was very pleased with the schools response and definately huge learning curve. I find with my son he can do most things but need to take more time (smaller steps) and one thing at a time for example, as you say settle in school then small steps to achieve something new such as walking to school rather than both at once (any changes have to be one at a time) so I think if its the same for your daughter great idea for her to settle in first. Best of luck I have my fingers crossed for us both :-) x 

  • Thank-you both for your replies very much appreciated. After no sleep I found out my offer was accepted but not a minute later my agent advised my buyer had pulled out :-( so so frustrating :-(. One huge positive tho is before this happened I phone school and explained my intentions of trying to move very close and allowing the independence I feel his capable of and desperately wants but would they deem this inappropriate (vision of someone saying what! letting a SEN child walk without an adult?!) and would they refuse him leaving without an adult as cousin is same age). His teacher replied absolutely not inappropriate can see in just a few days how independent my son is and would fully support him gaining his independence. They would even do dry runs with him and his mates to visit his 'new house' (I'd always intended on doing this myself and shadowing him in beginning for my own peace of mind until reassured plus asking him to text me when arrived). How wonderful! I feel they want to support him as much as me :-) They clearly assess the children on an individual basis in terms of needs and support needed. So pleased with that. I think because the transport has been so rigid, fixed for all which in a way I can understand but difficult for those children that feel overwhelmed with this approach that I lacked confidence in others sharing my instinct over my son. 

    Thank-you Outrage, you make very good points that if/when I move will always keep in mind. I trully value your input. Thank-you Yorkshirelass, wonderful to know someone can empathise its easy to feel alone and I hope you can resolve your situation (maybe small progressive steps, would your son if at the same school be able to help with your daughters confidence or even go independently whilst driving your daughter until she gains her confidence?). I assess the route very carefully when considering the houses, the latest of which was one 'normal road' outside the house the rest quiet residential ones which I felt he would be fine with (although would do all the above steps for my own peace of mind). Also I feel his cousin is sensible too. 

    All in all upset I've lost the buyer but so pleased with the schools response at promoting and supporting his independence safely. I feel confident in the school and together with this forum don't feel so alone. I guess its waiting for another buyer but at least I have my action plan ready and know that people won't be shocked at going with my instinct with my son :-) x

  • If the you think your son is capable of independant travel, I am more than happy to take your word for it. That said, I consider it a reasonable precaution to shadow him in the car for the first week and possibly at random thereafter so as to ensure that this time does not allow for the possibility of covert bullying that could increse the dangers of travel. Both friendly and unfriendly children travel to school unsupervised and unexpected "horseplay" near traffic can cause accidents.

    Further, it seems to me that you cant do this ethically without your sons knowledge and consent but this should be forthcoming if he wants to be more independant and that is the compromise presented.