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Looking for help and advice for my sister

Katymay1989

Hi everyone, I'm new here! If you're taking the time to give this a read then thank you very much! If anyone can offer any advice- even better! 

I have a 35 year old sister who is without a doubt autistic. She has extreme social anxiety and for this reason has never been to the doctors and received any kind of diagnosis. It's affected all areas of her life, she's never had a job due to not being able to get through interviews, she doesn't claim any benefits because the process of applying for them is so overwhelming, she's never had a relationship were she hasn't been fully taken advantage of. I don't know who to turn to for help. She'd love a job and has interviews but doesn't get hired because she's just looked at as awkward and quiet. She's been diagnosed with anxiety and Persistent Depressive Disorder as she's been like this her whole life, however I think it's because she's autistic and misunderstood, rather than depressed. 

Is there any help for people who haven't got a diagnosis of autism for getting through interviews? For people with social anxiety? Or does she need to have a diagnosis before any help can be offered? I'm just asking because I've been nagging her for a while to go and talk to a doctor about getting diagnosed so that if there is help out that, she can be offered some, however getting her to actually go is another matter! 

She is my absolute soul mate and I know when she's happy/sad without her having to verbalise it. She's just sort of floating through life at the moment, not living it and it makes me so sad because she genuinely is so lovely and deserves more. She just can't pretend to be 'bubbly' for the sake of an interview. It's not just work I worry about, it'd be great for her to go to college and study something she enjoys but she has 0 confidence trying to do things when nobody understands her. 

If you've made it to the end of my ramble- well done! and thanks. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

  • I just want to say how fortunate your sister is to have such a loving, caring and supportive sister in you - it was wonderful to read your post and see such a beautiful example of that Sparkling heart

    Your sister could request an autism assessment through her GP, if she feels it’s something she wants to do. I know she doesn’t feel comfortable going to the GP (I struggle with that too) - maybe you could go with her - would that help? Would it be possible to write a letter to the GP explaining the situation? They might have someone at the Surgery who specialises in supporting socially anxious patients to access their services? It’s worth asking them. If it’s any comfort to your sister the GP appointment won’t take long - and there’s a long waiting list for assessment so she’s not going to be rushed into anything. There also might be CBT available for her social anxiety possibly? 
    In my experience there’s not a great deal of support available for adults who have an autism diagnosis - but I’m not sure about what support there is for people who are looking for work in terms of dealing with interviews. However if your sister isn’t claiming benefits does she not have contact with the job centre etc? 
    If she struggles with seeing the GP has she tried self help for her social anxiety? There’s a lot of material online and sometimes doing our own research about helpful strategies and techniques can genuinely help matters. 
    Anyway - she has a wonderful supportive sister - and that’s worth it’s weight in gold! Definitely makes the hugest difference in life to have that Slight smile

  • Hello Katymay1989,

    It’s really thoughtful of you to support your sister while she’s looking for work. Finding a job can feel especially challenging for autistic people, but there are organisations and programmes that can help with building confidence, gaining work experience, and finding employers who understand autism.

    The National Autistic Society has a useful guide on support with employment, including work experience opportunities, job coaching, volunteering, and specialist employment services across the UK:

    Support to get work experience and find a job

    They also have helpful information on related topics such as:

    There are many other guides on the NAS website that you and your sister may find useful as well.

    Hopefully some other forum members will also share their own experiences and suggestions.

    All the best,

    Karin Mod