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Finally got my diagnosis and report back!

alterpop

Hello,

I am just writing a post and i'm not quite sure what I want or why I am doing it but i'm doing it anyway. I am 42 from the north of England and have very recently been diagnosed as ASD and ADHD too. Most of my life I have struggled with 'coping' with things and finding everything too loud, too smelly, too .... well just too everything really! I have also struggled with addiction nearly all my life and was constantly told I was depressed, anxious and awkward and just too much like hard work really. I saw a child psychiatrist as a kid and he said I was ADHD but my Mum kicked against it as she didn't want me on ritalin and so therefore I struggled a lot through my life. To cut a VERY long story short in the last year around June last year I had a bit of a torrid time with drugs and negative people and finally said enough was enough and got clean and sober. When this happened all my what I now know as AuDHD symptoms or whatever you want to call them kicked in big time. I kind of realised that I had been self medicating all my life and that when I am clean and sober the world is a very loud and scary place and that is exactly why i've always stayed intoxicated. I had got sober a few times in my life and also in those moments I just found everything too much and went back again. So! I went to a GP last year and they suggested autism and ADHD and its not like I never thought it before but it really seemed to make sense. Again to cut a very long story short I was diagnosed last month as ASD and ADHD. Its really nice to finally have some answers and know who I am etc. The thing is now though where to go next! I have a meeting setup with my GP surgery and their mental health person and hopefully they can help a bit. But I really struggle these days with all sorts of stuff, especially as I have no buffer now and i'm aware of how much I would struggle in society and with a job etc. I DO want to work and I do want to be useful but just in the right way so I don't go backwards again. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how did they go about sorting things out?

Parents

  • Hey, I just wanted to say welcome, and well done for getting through a really tough time with the addiction and facing your audhd side. When you've had to bury it for so long, it can be scary when your traits are fresh and raw, but your not alone, and I hope you can find self compassion and understanding now you have words to describe how you feel. Finding the way forward can be tricky, I'm glad you have a supportive GP and hope you can get the support you need to find your feet. 

    It's kind of an eye opener to realise there are other people who get what you mean, you have a community to help you figure it out.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Hey thanks that's very nice of you to say all that and to find the time to reply. I've spent a lot of years trying to 'fit in' and it nearly finished me off literally so I just live a very quiet hermit lifestyle now with my cats! Who help (and hinder ha ha) alot! I've always felt the same but its hard to put into words how much more visceral everything is now i'm clean and sober. I still take opiate maintenance drugs everyday but that's it and the world is a lot more 'real' to say the least! I'll get there but its all still early days.

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  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Hey thanks that's very nice of you to say all that and to find the time to reply. I've spent a lot of years trying to 'fit in' and it nearly finished me off literally so I just live a very quiet hermit lifestyle now with my cats! Who help (and hinder ha ha) alot! I've always felt the same but its hard to put into words how much more visceral everything is now i'm clean and sober. I still take opiate maintenance drugs everyday but that's it and the world is a lot more 'real' to say the least! I'll get there but its all still early days.

Children
  • in reply to alterpop

    I hope you can tell us about your cats, I just have pet fish, but I do love animals, and there are lots of cat people like yourself! 

    I'm glad you have found a life style that helps you get by, that's the main thing. Being a hermit sounds quite nice actually, though it can still be lonely at times. Having things like this forum to chat on can help. (I think there are ways to meet up with groups in real life -I don't have a lot of experience there, though it actually depends if you want that, a lot of autistic people aren't that pushed). 

    One thing I've learned about is autistic joy. Some (though not all), because of your heightened senses can feel things really deeply which can be special. Whether that's enjoying scents/sounds/sights/feels/tastes etc. I think I'm pretty visual for example. I hope you can enjoy your new world, scary at times and wonderous at others!