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Feels like a rollercoaster inside my head

sunlitsoul

Hey guys

i thought I’d jump on here to connect with people if I may. Recently I have been feeling so overwhelmed, as a newly diagnosed autistic and adhd woman I’m still trying to figure out how my autism affects me and sometimes it just feels so confusing and overwhelming.

This week has been so stressful to say the least and I go through this regularly, it’s like this constant dizziness inside my head and feeling like I cannot process things especially when a lot is happening around me. Such as people asking me things conversations deadlines children etc. 

I guess I just get really anxious because it’s almost like my brain shuts down and my whole body goes stiff and very tense and then I am unable to function normally. It really can be overwhelming because I then try to figure out why I’m feeling this way which stresses my system even more. It’s just like life is going at such a fast pace and my brain just goes into full breakout mode it then takes me a day or 2 of lots of stimming sleeping rest and isolation to feel slightly normal to then go back into the world and than bang I fall straight back into the same cycle. 

can anyone relate? 

  • Hi Sunlit

    Yes I very much relate. I am a late diagnosed woman aged 68 now, just autism though so your added adhd must make it even more overwhelming. All I can say is that now over three years since diagnosis I have worked out stategies and techniques which work for me, I am fortunate to have a very supportive gp, my wife is incredible in the way she has learnt all about my condition and the best ways to support me, and so life is very much better and I would go as far as to say these are now the best years of my life. 

    I do still get meltdowns and shutdowns, which combined with c-ptsd (diagnosed two years ago) can be chaotic, painful and dangerous, but with the knowledge Ive gained, on here, from good books and assorted nhs clinicians I weather them ok. 

    I really hope it works out well for you

    Alice

  • I can very much relate to your experience. I freeze when overwhelmed, can only move my body slowly or not at all and am unable to process things around me (like if someone talks to me, I need to repeat the sentences in my head until I understand them, then try to formulate an answer or execute a movement, it feels like it takes years). I have called my husband from the middle of a shop to come and collect me, as I could no longer figure out how to shop or leave the place, my brain was so overwhelmed - I don't even remember what caused it. I can loose the ability to speak, and then I can at best send messages 'bad now. come'. Sometimes it feels like I am watching myself from the far, I know intellectually that this is not that bad, but my brain and body react otherwise. Once in that state, only sleeping can bring me out of it. I have made rules to try to cope with the outside world and stress, such as 'maximum one appointment per day' (e.g. with a doctor/school etc). I try to teach myself to not read emails promptly but wait a day or two. Sometimes the thing the other person is asking for, already resolved by then. I have slowly learned that not every question demands an answer as I have watched other people not answering questions in emails/conversations. I try to save intellectual effort by only answering the necessary part, not the small talk or things I do not feel comfortable answering. Yesterday I was asked how I am doing (by a person I barely know, just 'small-talk') and I said: look, it is snowing (I live very far north). It felt off and liberating at the same time, and the other part seemed to accept it. I hope you have people around you that understand that you can get overwhelmed and that you need time to recover. Maybe the best we can do for ourselves is to not be upset with ourselves? I saw a counselor who said that I am bullying myself (e.g. blaming myself for everything that I do not manage), worse than the real bullying I experienced in my life. I think he was right. He said that I absolutely have to stop doing that, most of the things that go 'wrong' are not my fault, I am trying the best I can (and 'overdo' most things I do), it is not possible to ask for more.