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Questions about dating

To300

I have a question about dating. Im mid twenties, f and haven't really dated before but I've been involved with people, mainly people met through friends and such so I know at some point theyve been told I'm autistic or know ive had issues. Now recently I've been chatting to people met outside of the circle of others so they dont know im autistic. Ive told people before, maybe too soon because who bloody knows when the right time is, and ive been asked jokingly and ive said well, yeah and I dont take offence to that. I dont know if it's meant to be offensive or not. And they seem to be fine with it in the moment but then there's a switch. Its not always obvious or dramatic like cutting the situation off or lovebombing but just kind of a vibe that im like stupid or something. Beneath them even. 

Maybe this is because it is quite soon that ive told them or they've asked and we obviously dont know each other well. There is a stigma around autism and obviously there's a lot of more awareness now aswell but I think people still struggle to understand that everyone is different. You know you might of seen a 30 second clip of someone on tiktok sharing what makes them meltdown but that's not the same for everyone and I dont think they can grasp that. It's really disappointing and it's really put me off dating again and I'm just wondering if anyone on here has dated or is dating or in a relationship and just has any advice for that awkward beginning stage and telling someone about your diagnoses. I do kind of feel like it should be mentioned kinda early? Not in a big dramatic way but just in a way yeah this is me kind of way. 

Parents

  • Hey good morning from America, To300!

    I’m married, but I found out about the Autism long after getting married. However, I was knew about my ADHD. I think my now-wife was aware of my ADHD pretty early on, because she has said that one of the things she was attracted to about me was how I was “different” from other guys. So I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to mention Autism early on.

    One thing I would warn though is that if I were your age again, I’d be afraid of people trying to take advantage of me after learning about my Autism. It’s possible. Especially since you’re female, I’d be careful to only mention the Autism when you’re really comfortable and trust the person you’re telling. I don’t know why but I feel like it would be more dangerous as a woman than for us guys.

    It’s just like the advice I give for job interviews: You don’t have to tell an employer that you’re Autistic in the interview stage, but it is good for them to know eventually. Wait until you know you can trust them before you let them know.

    I hope that helps!

Reply

  • Hey good morning from America, To300!

    I’m married, but I found out about the Autism long after getting married. However, I was knew about my ADHD. I think my now-wife was aware of my ADHD pretty early on, because she has said that one of the things she was attracted to about me was how I was “different” from other guys. So I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to mention Autism early on.

    One thing I would warn though is that if I were your age again, I’d be afraid of people trying to take advantage of me after learning about my Autism. It’s possible. Especially since you’re female, I’d be careful to only mention the Autism when you’re really comfortable and trust the person you’re telling. I don’t know why but I feel like it would be more dangerous as a woman than for us guys.

    It’s just like the advice I give for job interviews: You don’t have to tell an employer that you’re Autistic in the interview stage, but it is good for them to know eventually. Wait until you know you can trust them before you let them know.

    I hope that helps!

Children
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