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the autism that isn’t obvious and is hidden perfectly

BB

Hey, 

I am just wondering if many people can relate to me. 

I got diagnosed with autism when i was 16 (I’m now 18) and to be quite honest for the last 2 years I have been in denial about it. I am also angry sometimes that it went unnoticed for so long. 

None of my friends know, neither do my siblings, it’s just my parents who do . I think that people would be surprised if they did find out, mine isn’t exactly obvious. 

Apart from having a terrible social battery, I am okay in social situations. All throughout school and now in college, I have had friends and only lately I have started to try masking less, which is no easy task as it feels so natural at this stage. 

However,  sensory wise i really struggle,I , get super awful motion sickness, don’t like to fly on planes, need routine, struggle with a chronic anxiety and often have panic attacks  but I can go to nightclubs, meet friends, play football matches infront of  50+ people. 

I get tired trying to explain myself everyday to people, that I just can’t do certain stuff but they never understand because its like if they can’t see it , its not there. Asking why i wont go on holidays, why can’t i do presentation infront of the class?. Nothing I ever answer, seems to ever be the right one 

Parents

  • Your experiences sound usual for many autistic people and I relate to much of what you say.

    Growing up, I didn’t have friends apart from occasionally one person who lived near me. She shared my interest in dogs and horses. I never used to be ok in social situations and I’m still not good at them, especially if they involve more than one other person. I fainted the first time I did a presentation in front of an audience. Through persistence and self training, I endeavoured to overcome it for the sake of my job. It was tough, it took its toll on me, yet I did it.

    I don’t go to the cinema because the big screen and noise volume gives me sensory overload but occasionally I enjoy live orchestra performances in concert halls or theatres. I’ve always enjoyed speed, whether in cars (off road) or boats but swings and roller coasters are a big no. I’m faster than most people at mental arithmetic but I struggled with mathematics at school.

    I need routine and I’m happiest working away at one of my research projects but I have an adventurous side which seeks new experiences (awaiting ADHD assessment).

    I keep this with me so that I can show it to people who can’t or (won’t) understand me. I think it may also illustrate your experience as an autistic person.

    https://the-art-of-autism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/UnderstandtheSpectrum.pdf

Reply

  • Your experiences sound usual for many autistic people and I relate to much of what you say.

    Growing up, I didn’t have friends apart from occasionally one person who lived near me. She shared my interest in dogs and horses. I never used to be ok in social situations and I’m still not good at them, especially if they involve more than one other person. I fainted the first time I did a presentation in front of an audience. Through persistence and self training, I endeavoured to overcome it for the sake of my job. It was tough, it took its toll on me, yet I did it.

    I don’t go to the cinema because the big screen and noise volume gives me sensory overload but occasionally I enjoy live orchestra performances in concert halls or theatres. I’ve always enjoyed speed, whether in cars (off road) or boats but swings and roller coasters are a big no. I’m faster than most people at mental arithmetic but I struggled with mathematics at school.

    I need routine and I’m happiest working away at one of my research projects but I have an adventurous side which seeks new experiences (awaiting ADHD assessment).

    I keep this with me so that I can show it to people who can’t or (won’t) understand me. I think it may also illustrate your experience as an autistic person.

    https://the-art-of-autism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/UnderstandtheSpectrum.pdf

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