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the autism that isn’t obvious and is hidden perfectly

BB

Hey, 

I am just wondering if many people can relate to me. 

I got diagnosed with autism when i was 16 (I’m now 18) and to be quite honest for the last 2 years I have been in denial about it. I am also angry sometimes that it went unnoticed for so long. 

None of my friends know, neither do my siblings, it’s just my parents who do . I think that people would be surprised if they did find out, mine isn’t exactly obvious. 

Apart from having a terrible social battery, I am okay in social situations. All throughout school and now in college, I have had friends and only lately I have started to try masking less, which is no easy task as it feels so natural at this stage. 

However,  sensory wise i really struggle,I , get super awful motion sickness, don’t like to fly on planes, need routine, struggle with a chronic anxiety and often have panic attacks  but I can go to nightclubs, meet friends, play football matches infront of  50+ people. 

I get tired trying to explain myself everyday to people, that I just can’t do certain stuff but they never understand because its like if they can’t see it , its not there. Asking why i wont go on holidays, why can’t i do presentation infront of the class?. Nothing I ever answer, seems to ever be the right one 

Parents

  • I’m 58 and I received my diagnosis this year. I can completely relate to what you said. I also had some friends and went to nightclubs. But it felt more anonymous and controlled than sitting with some people in a noisy cafe trying to talk with people I am with.  The after effects that we mat encounter isn’t going to be obvious to others.

    I’ve had doubt over my diagnosis because if things I can it have done rather than what I struggle with. I think our own internal experience can be quite different from the external ones see.

    however I’ve always felt awkward and naive. I still feel mostly like an alien without the manual. Fifteen years ago I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and chronic depression because that psychiatrist couldn’t see  other struggles and I honestly didn’t think it was unusual or anything beyond that.

    so definitely it can be hidden from others as you are experiencing 

Reply

  • I’m 58 and I received my diagnosis this year. I can completely relate to what you said. I also had some friends and went to nightclubs. But it felt more anonymous and controlled than sitting with some people in a noisy cafe trying to talk with people I am with.  The after effects that we mat encounter isn’t going to be obvious to others.

    I’ve had doubt over my diagnosis because if things I can it have done rather than what I struggle with. I think our own internal experience can be quite different from the external ones see.

    however I’ve always felt awkward and naive. I still feel mostly like an alien without the manual. Fifteen years ago I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and chronic depression because that psychiatrist couldn’t see  other struggles and I honestly didn’t think it was unusual or anything beyond that.

    so definitely it can be hidden from others as you are experiencing 

Children
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