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the autism that isn’t obvious and is hidden perfectly

BB

Hey, 

I am just wondering if many people can relate to me. 

I got diagnosed with autism when i was 16 (I’m now 18) and to be quite honest for the last 2 years I have been in denial about it. I am also angry sometimes that it went unnoticed for so long. 

None of my friends know, neither do my siblings, it’s just my parents who do . I think that people would be surprised if they did find out, mine isn’t exactly obvious. 

Apart from having a terrible social battery, I am okay in social situations. All throughout school and now in college, I have had friends and only lately I have started to try masking less, which is no easy task as it feels so natural at this stage. 

However,  sensory wise i really struggle,I , get super awful motion sickness, don’t like to fly on planes, need routine, struggle with a chronic anxiety and often have panic attacks  but I can go to nightclubs, meet friends, play football matches infront of  50+ people. 

I get tired trying to explain myself everyday to people, that I just can’t do certain stuff but they never understand because its like if they can’t see it , its not there. Asking why i wont go on holidays, why can’t i do presentation infront of the class?. Nothing I ever answer, seems to ever be the right one 

Parents

  • Wow, respect to you for doing and achieving all this in your young life, well done. I have light sensitivity so I don't like going out in the sun light between 10-5, I get utterly shattered and feel terrible after it. So I don't go out now just sit in my flat with the curtains drawn. Its all about finding out what works best for you and having people in your life who support it. My parents don't, my brother didn't, but literally everybody else I have met in my life does. I had a friendship group too at school but I threw it away because it would disregulate me, and I didn't know I was autistic and made a massive mistake of thinking staying at home with my parents was what I needed and they were the people causing my problems and pushing me to do things I couldn't do and in fact everybody outside of my parents could see I had autism, so when I told them, they were like 'I could have told you that' which upset me at the time because I spend 32 years not understand why I did things. 

    I think you are going great, keep it up and its perfectly normal to get sick of explaining, just say I have autism so I can't do that right now. Like last night I was at a concert, loved it, everybody was dancing and I was just sat on my own, wanting to get up and dance, but I know it would make me feel bad if I did it, compared to sitting there watching everybody else. Its hard internally/emotionally because you want to do things, but you know you will feel terrible if you do. Great post by you, thanks. 

Reply

  • Wow, respect to you for doing and achieving all this in your young life, well done. I have light sensitivity so I don't like going out in the sun light between 10-5, I get utterly shattered and feel terrible after it. So I don't go out now just sit in my flat with the curtains drawn. Its all about finding out what works best for you and having people in your life who support it. My parents don't, my brother didn't, but literally everybody else I have met in my life does. I had a friendship group too at school but I threw it away because it would disregulate me, and I didn't know I was autistic and made a massive mistake of thinking staying at home with my parents was what I needed and they were the people causing my problems and pushing me to do things I couldn't do and in fact everybody outside of my parents could see I had autism, so when I told them, they were like 'I could have told you that' which upset me at the time because I spend 32 years not understand why I did things. 

    I think you are going great, keep it up and its perfectly normal to get sick of explaining, just say I have autism so I can't do that right now. Like last night I was at a concert, loved it, everybody was dancing and I was just sat on my own, wanting to get up and dance, but I know it would make me feel bad if I did it, compared to sitting there watching everybody else. Its hard internally/emotionally because you want to do things, but you know you will feel terrible if you do. Great post by you, thanks. 

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