How do people with Autism end up in relationships with other people?

Because initiating romantic and sexual relationships is seen as being male-led, the problems that autistic men and women have are different. Autistic women have a higher chance than their allistic peers of becoming involved in abusive relationships, while autistic men have greater problems in getting into a relationship in the first place.

I only realised that I was autistic at 59 years of age. As a young man I was puzzled as to why I could not initiate any sort of intimate relationship with women. I was a kind, innately generous and thoughtful person and, as far as looks go, I could see that I was on the attractive side of average, but no luck. I eventually realised that the problem was me, and not all the women in the world (this took some time). I had a sudden insight that other men could work out if a woman 'fancied' them and even, on some occasions, if a woman fancied another man. I definitely could not. It turns out that, though men, in general, initiate advances they do not do so before a woman gives them the 'green light'. The signals that a woman throws out, subconsciously, that they find someone attractive are remarkably subtle (see books on body language/non-verbal communication), so much so that many allistic men have trouble deciphering them. Autistic men stand very little chance.

I imagine that a number of women were probably indicating that they found me attractive over the years, to no avail, I also think that some were probably baffled by my lack of response. Realising that I had a lack, I researched body language and gesture in books and other publications. Armed with an intellectual knowledge of what to look for, I became somewhat better at divining whether a woman was being merely friendly or actually found me attractive. Long story short, I did find an ideal woman, intelligent, kind and capable, who I did, eventually, recognise found me attractive as well. We will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary in September.

Because initiating romantic and sexual relationships is seen as being male-led, the problems that autistic men and women have are different. Autistic women have a higher chance than their allistic peers of becoming involved in abusive relationships, while autistic men have greater problems in getting into a relationship in the first place.

I only realised that I was autistic at 59 years of age. As a young man I was puzzled as to why I could not initiate any sort of intimate relationship with women. I was a kind, innately generous and thoughtful person and, as far as looks go, I could see that I was on the attractive side of average, but no luck. I eventually realised that the problem was me, and not all the women in the world (this took some time). I had a sudden insight that other men could work out if a woman 'fancied' them and even, on some occasions, if a woman fancied another man. I definitely could not. It turns out that, though men, in general, initiate advances they do not do so before a woman gives them the 'green light'. The signals that a woman throws out, subconsciously, that they find someone attractive are remarkably subtle (see books on body language/non-verbal communication), so much so that many allistic men have trouble deciphering them. Autistic men stand very little chance.

I imagine that a number of women were probably indicating that they found me attractive over the years, to no avail, I also think that some were probably baffled by my lack of response. Realising that I had a lack, I researched body language and gesture in books and other publications. Armed with an intellectual knowledge of what to look for, I became somewhat better at divining whether a woman was being merely friendly or actually found me attractive. Long story short, I did find an ideal woman, intelligent, kind and capable, who I did, eventually, recognise found me attractive as well. We will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary in September.