Hello All,
I read an email on this site about someone living with an autistic wife. I felt great sympathy as there is little support for people who live with and try and cope with the meltdowns, the shouting, the inability to have a conversation without shouting, in their partners. Fred, not his real name, cannot enjoy going out, he becomes over whelmed with people and often starts shouting at me. His father and sister have publicly ridiculed him and I think he feels going for a formal diagnosis would prove that they are right and that he is 'bloody useless.' NOT my words. I have never ever said to him. You can ask the most innocuous question and it may provoke a meltdown, of shouting, being very rude and aggressive. We had a new kitchen fitted and I had a surveyor to help us so Fred would to shout at me too much but he did it was a nightmare of shouting, accusation and anger and insults., I told him the other week that the shower was not working properly, he had a big meltdown with shouting and rudeness to me. I phoned the Samaritans for help. He becomes overwhelmed in cafes and restaurants and has to leave to go to a quiet place. We had to cope with a road diversion a few weeks ago and I was navigating: he ignored that and had a meltdown instead. He wont come to my allotment with me because he doesn't want to see people there and if I talk to a group he will break away and go and sit by himself on a bench. He is unable to do DIY and has a meltdown if I mention it. He is unable to say that he cannot do DIY and just let it be and we arrange for someone else to do it. If we stay together we plan to move house but I don't think he could cope with that and I could not cope with his rage, always directed at me, shouting and meltdowns. I have decided to see my GP and arrange to get a diagnosis to see if there is a future. Otherwise I have now disengaged and and plan to move on and away. Fred refuses to get help. He has autism in his family, his nephew is physically violent and has been sectioned several times. I think his family have made him feel ashamed of his neuro divergent behaviour through their ridicule. I tell him everyone has something and to look at Chris Packham, a successful TV journalist and an inspiration to anyone. My friend's grandson who is autistic says his autism is his blessing. Good for him. I think Fred's abusive family have damaged him greatly. Anyone else been here? What did they do?
