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help needed to help my 24yr old son.

Linda2090

hi,

i am new to this so please any advice is welcomed. my 24yr old son was diagnosed with Autism a few years ago, he has had no help from our GP and has very low days when he thinks everyone hates him and doesn't understand why he is on this planet, last night he had a breakdown which he has had before, he won't go to the doctors as he says they won't help which to be fair they never have up to now. he also won't consider taking medication to try to help as he was given antidepressants years ago before his diagnosis he stopped taking them as they didn't help back then.. I really don't know how to help him or who to turn to and am on the verge f a breakdown myself due to not being able to help him.

  • I have been on antidepressants for decades. Often I don’t think they work but I’m still here so maybe they played a part. The thing is they won’t solve all the issues. They aren’t perfect. There are also many varieties. One might not work well for him, but other may. Your GP shoukd be ready to try others, particularly given his diagnosis. I continue to take my current one as I also suffer chronic pain.

    My personal take on meds for myself is they are only part of the story. Has he been in any Autism aware talking therapy? Not the 6 week NHS CBT. That likely won’t help for someone with autism. Unfortunately that may mean private, but I think can be a huge help. If only I’d had that opportunity at his age. I’m 58 now.

    Does he have friends? Any also with a diagnosis? if not maybe try to encourage him to go to a social group for those with Austin’s locally?

    Also you are struggling too, have someone you can go to and talk with. That will help you to be able to suppprt him.

    Ask him, “what does good look like for him?” . I think I struggled trying to meet the same expectations as peers who didn’t have the additional difficulty of autism. He may well be aiming for something that isn’t good for him. Choose what makes him happy, whilst also encouraging him to appropriately challenge himself. Be HIS best, just don’t try to be someone else’s best.

  • Hey, sorry to hear your son is having such problems. Depression is quite common in the autistic community sadly.

    NAS has a page on emergency services, that might be of some use? 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

    If it's got so bad, it might be worth still trying to see the GP, if you can go too and maybe help make sure he's understood in case he gets overwhelmed, and explain he's been diagnosed and the usual meds did not work previously so needs something that works for him being ND. If the meds you receive don't work, do go back and explain and the doctor might be able to take this into account. And if the first doctor isn't great, see if you can get a second opinion, as he does need proper help. 

    I was wondering if you could call Samaritans too or similar and get some advice on supporting him? It's hard to get through to the right services, but I hope you can manage it as he's worth the battle! Wishing you strength to get the help you need.

  • Please don't take this as the end all and be all (I don't know fully how to deal with such a situation), but I've found that a lot of the time, if I just break it down logically (if he has friends, for example, then cleaarly, not everyone hates him, or the fact that he has a caring parent logically means that he isn't hated by everyone) has always helped. 

    I do want to preface by saying that the last time I had something that intense, I was a teenager, and I had the tremendous luck of having really good friends, and even then, it took years. But make sure he has social support network, or just taalk to him more - maybe he has an obsession or something like that - it doesn't matter if you're not actually interested, we just like talking about those obsessions.

    Best of luck, since it sounds pretty bad, to be entirely honest - hope this helps.