Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I haven't been on for a while as life was jogging along nicely, but something has come up that I am totally out of my depth, and comfort zone with, and I am hoping some one here will be able to help.
My son is almost 13 now and has Aspergers. He is a wonderful articulate loving boy, who has been through a really rough time, that we are coming out the other side of. He takes prozac to manage his anxiety.
He is going through puberty and has announced that he is gay, that is fine and not the problem, (I don't care if he loves a blue koala as long as he is happy), I mention it because it might be related to his problem.
He has for a while had wetting and soiling issues which have had me stumped, because he used to be really reliable. Tonight after a lot of reassurance he sent me this message over skype as it was easier than talking to me face to face (I get that it is embarrassing for him at his age>)
the reason why I am urinating is cus I am a idiot and I stick my hand up my but witch cause me to wee. and I want to stop cus its not helping and idk what to do I am sorry
but I cant stop and I don't know hy
why*
I understand that it is a pleasuring thing and also probably sensory aswell but I have no idea how to talk to him, to help him stop. It is having a huge impact on his life. he is needing lots of changes of clothes, his hands and nails and around the nails are always filthy because of where they are going, and his is having repeated bouts of diarrhoea.
Sorry to ask for help but I am totally utterly stumped, and I want to help him, especially with school coming up
Hi Crazydarkside,
Thank you for filling us in on the missing elements about the issues that occurred at his School. It does help.
As a mum you are doing fine. You have established a dialogue, albeit written and I can see that you have been very clear about the issues that concern you and how you would like him to consider the affects on yourself and his self-esteem with his peers. Being direct will leave him in no doubt that he needs to consider these issues, but take care not to attach any guilt to what he is doing.
It is always a step forward when an adolesant begins to take control of an independance element of their life, be careful however, that the new laundry basket doesn't become a focal point of shame, but more about him taking responsibility for his personal hygiene and independance in general.
I've found, through very recent experience, that assuming understanding of certain things, can lead to grave misunderstandings on the most basic level for someone with ASD. Be sure your son understands the terms you are using, so as not to misconstrue. Also assuming he will copy behaviour based on your example is not always as obvious as it seems, so do remain calm. If he needs occassional prompting, keep it as low key and as nag free as you can, to avoid distress.
Do follow the moderators advice and have a chat with them also. They have behavioural specialists who will be able to give you expert advice.
Perhaps, if you look in to the second book i suggested and feel it's appropriate it may also demistify some of the terms us Adults use, which he may have trouble understanding due to his naivety. found a link below.
www.amazon.co.uk/.../ref=sr_1_4
I'm sure the NAS specialist will also be able to advise. The copy I have, is very tame by todays standards, but worth looking over first to ensure it's approprate for his level. It also comes from the standpoint of a loving relationship perspective, which may help put things into context.
I hope NAS have some good suggestions on literature for those on the spectrum, as i've been hard pushed to find much.
I do wish you luck. Keep us posted.
Coogybear