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Choosing not to unmask completely?

counterpoint

Sometimes, I feel that the cost of unmasking and risking feeling misunderstood regarding my own autism may be greater than keeping the diagnosis for myself, not talking about it, and resuming my previous life while mitigating the problems with some invisible adjustments.

I can imagine the risks of possibly suppressing my own needs and working against my own brain and body, but being almost 50 years old means that I'm somehow a hybrid of a newly discovered autistic self and life-spanning coping and surviving mechanisms, and that the latter are an integral part of myself.

I've read that some people decide to do that. I'm just wondering if someone here has managed to resume their previous life, choosing to leave the "label" behind so others don't know, in a way where they feel complete and happy despite choosing not to unmask completely?

Parents

  • unmasking and disclosing are two different things.

    it's difficult to unmask in the NT world - and same for disclosure.

    I can unmask more at home and with other NDs, but that's about it.  We've learnt to do it for a reason although it comes at great cost too.  Sometimes I think its great that some are very open about being ND to others, maybe that may come a few years down the line with me, I'm only 15 months in from my Autism diagnosis and 3 months in from my ADHD diagnosis, so focusing on what that all means for me without changing who I am to others too much.

    As far as disclosing (yes to my mgr and HR for reasonable adjustments -  in theory you don't have to disclose your diagnoses to request these, but I think its easier when you have it as backup) yes for my wife/kids know but not  my mum or sister.  A few friends know - but not all.

  • in reply to Jalapeno

    Thank you all again. Your replies have given me a lot to think about, and they’ve taken a lot of pressure off my shoulders. I was anxious that deciding not to unmask might go against my recovery, but your perspectives and some additional reading have helped me see that it isn't necessarily required. Keeping my 'masks' and diagnosis to myself feels like the right move for me for now.

    I’ve also realised that being an advocate for autism (or for anything really) isn’t in my nature. While I’m more than happy to support other autistic people when it’s needed, speaking about myself publicly is a "no." I’d rather focus on my own path, especially with my severely limited energy.

    I think I’ve been making progress in getting slowly out of burnout with small adjustments. It’s been working well, and I can see the light, although I’m still unsure how long it will take or what my new baseline will be. I had several good years in my 20s after leaving my family and hometown. Because of that environment and the people I was with, I felt accepted with minimal masking. I suppose I could use that period as my blueprint. Knowing that some people can accept me as I am, especially with the knowledge I have now, makes me feel I can eventually find a life that can be fulfilling in some ways.

    Again, I really appreciate your replies!

Reply
  • in reply to Jalapeno

    Thank you all again. Your replies have given me a lot to think about, and they’ve taken a lot of pressure off my shoulders. I was anxious that deciding not to unmask might go against my recovery, but your perspectives and some additional reading have helped me see that it isn't necessarily required. Keeping my 'masks' and diagnosis to myself feels like the right move for me for now.

    I’ve also realised that being an advocate for autism (or for anything really) isn’t in my nature. While I’m more than happy to support other autistic people when it’s needed, speaking about myself publicly is a "no." I’d rather focus on my own path, especially with my severely limited energy.

    I think I’ve been making progress in getting slowly out of burnout with small adjustments. It’s been working well, and I can see the light, although I’m still unsure how long it will take or what my new baseline will be. I had several good years in my 20s after leaving my family and hometown. Because of that environment and the people I was with, I felt accepted with minimal masking. I suppose I could use that period as my blueprint. Knowing that some people can accept me as I am, especially with the knowledge I have now, makes me feel I can eventually find a life that can be fulfilling in some ways.

    Again, I really appreciate your replies!

Children
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