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Choosing not to unmask completely?

Deleted User

Sometimes, I feel that the cost of unmasking and risking feeling misunderstood regarding my own autism may be greater than keeping the diagnosis for myself, not talking about it, and resuming my previous life while mitigating the problems with some invisible adjustments.

I can imagine the risks of possibly suppressing my own needs and working against my own brain and body, but being almost 50 years old means that I'm somehow a hybrid of a newly discovered autistic self and life-spanning coping and surviving mechanisms, and that the latter are an integral part of myself.

I've read that some people decide to do that. I'm just wondering if someone here has managed to resume their previous life, choosing to leave the "label" behind so others don't know, in a way where they feel complete and happy despite choosing not to unmask completely?

Parents

  • I too struggle with unmasking. As you say after 50 years where do the masks end and you begin. In some ways masking is for self protection. It is also about fitting in and the path of least resistance.

    However, we must be aware of the negative effects that masking can have on us due to the amount of 'energy' we expend just to appear 'ourselves'

    Un masking is like peeling an onion, peeling back the layers, with each layer bringing tears to your eyes. How many layers do we peel back and what happens when you peel all the layers away.

    Personally I have so many masks / layers of 'protection' in order to survive my life but I now realise  that some masking is ok.

    Regarding employment, as regular readers will be aware, this is a minefield. What I thought of as asking for helpful accommodations turned out to be the excuse to move me on to be someone else's problem. You think that the law is on your side but there are so many ways employers try to fudge the lines. I am lucky that at my age my career being prematurely ended is not the blow it would have been 10 or 20 years ago.

    My moral compass does not allow me to sit back and accept it.

Reply

  • I too struggle with unmasking. As you say after 50 years where do the masks end and you begin. In some ways masking is for self protection. It is also about fitting in and the path of least resistance.

    However, we must be aware of the negative effects that masking can have on us due to the amount of 'energy' we expend just to appear 'ourselves'

    Un masking is like peeling an onion, peeling back the layers, with each layer bringing tears to your eyes. How many layers do we peel back and what happens when you peel all the layers away.

    Personally I have so many masks / layers of 'protection' in order to survive my life but I now realise  that some masking is ok.

    Regarding employment, as regular readers will be aware, this is a minefield. What I thought of as asking for helpful accommodations turned out to be the excuse to move me on to be someone else's problem. You think that the law is on your side but there are so many ways employers try to fudge the lines. I am lucky that at my age my career being prematurely ended is not the blow it would have been 10 or 20 years ago.

    My moral compass does not allow me to sit back and accept it.

Children
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