Struggles at work

That’s a really honest and relatable share - thank you.

It sounds like you already have some helpful foundations in place (working from home when needed and a manager who gets it), which is genuinely positive. At the same time, the guilt, the pressure to “always be busy,” and the sense that you’re riding a chaotic AuDHD train are very common experiences. Many people with AuDHD describe exactly this internal conflict: the brain demands constant productivity while the autistic side needs recovery and the ADHD side struggles with regulation and dopamine.

A few gentle thoughts that might help:

1. The guilt is not truth - it’s an old script The feeling that you “should” be busy even in quiet times is incredibly common in AuDHD. It often comes from years of masking, people-pleasing, or internalised ableism. Reminding yourself that rest and recovery are part of the job (especially during a busy period) is a skill worth practising. One small phrase that helps some people is: “My capacity is part of my job description, not a flaw.”
   
   
2. Pre-emptive conversation with your manager Since you already have a good relationship with her, a short, calm discussion before the busy period could be very useful. Something like: “I wanted to flag that the upcoming busy period might push me close to overload. I have reasonable adjustments in place, but I may need to use working-from-home days or take short recovery breaks. I’ll keep communicating so we can keep things running smoothly.” Framing it as proactive teamwork (rather than “I might fail”) often reduces the guilt and sets clearer expectations.
   
   
3. Small ways to ease the guilt
   • Try keeping a very short “energy log” for a week (just note morning/afternoon energy 1–10 and what drained or recharged you). It can make the need for rest feel more factual and less like laziness.
   • When the “I should be busy” voice kicks in, a gentle counter-statement can help: “Rest is productive for my brain.”
   • If you have any downtime, using 10–15 minutes for a special interest or quiet stim can recharge you without guilt.
     
     
4. Navigating the AuDHD train You’re not failing at it - you’re still learning how this particular combination works for you. The fact that you’re already recognising patterns and planning ahead shows real self-awareness.

Yes.

I tried to make the point at my last workplace that asking someone autistic into the office just in case someone had a question could drastically affect productivity for following days. Even more so combined with other stresses such as commuting traffic, personal out of hours commitments, and many other factors.

They just stuck to their line of "We've found people are more productive in the office". It's discrimination but unfortunately my particular circumstances didn't allow for any action.

Yes - I experience this too- I have days where I barely function anymore and I don’t know why. I used to be more resilient and have cut back a lot on how much work I do but I just feel worse (I’m a PhD student working in the lab). 

I'm definitely having a pottering day today, despite being in the office. I'm taking my time getting things done and giving myself lots of breaks. It helps that I'm here on my own today so I can chill a bit.

My goodness, all of that is so very familiar. Thank you. I can definitely see where I can restructure my schedule using that information.

Yes this is so me and it's restraint collapsed, I've not been able to work full time since 2013 as a result 

What it is

It's the neurological and emotional release that happens after you've spent extended time masking, suppressing sensory reactions, managing social demands, or holding yourself together in a demanding environment.

The effort of sustained regulation depletes resources, and when you reach a "safe" space, usually home, the system finally lets go.

What looks like a sudden crash is actually the result of successful effort earlier.

It's not a failure. It's your nervous system doing its job and then recovering.

Why it happens

Masking and self-monitoring are genuinely cognitively expensive

Sensory suppression requires active effort, it doesn't just happen passively

The transition to "safe" space removes the scaffolding that was holding things together

Your nervous system recognises safety and finally allows release

Practical strategies

• Before the collapse point

Try to identify your personal warning signs, reduced tolerance for noise, slower processing, difficulty forming sentences, physical tension

Build in a decompression buffer before you fully crash, if possible (e.g. a quiet transition period between arriving home and re-engaging socially)

Communicate with family in advance about what the collapse phase looks like and that it isn't about them 

During collapse

Treat it as a legitimate recovery need, not something to push through

Reduce demands to zero if possible, this includes social and communicative demands

Sensory comfort tools (weighted blanket, headphones, low light) are appropriate here

Avoid making decisions or commitments during this window

Structurally

Where possible, protect the post-demand period, avoid scheduling things immediately after high-demand activities

Recovery time is real time and needs to be budgeted for, not borrowed from

The severity of collapse often correlates with how long and how hard you had to mask, so reducing masking demands overall (where safe to do so) can reduce collapse intensity over time

The thing worth knowing

The collapse itself isn't the problem — it's information. It tells you how much the preceding period cost you. Over time, tracking when collapses happen and how long recovery takes can help you map your actual capacity, which is genuinely useful data for pacing.

At least you have an understanding manager. This was not the case with me after 30 years service I was removed from my role and placed into redeployment in temporary roles that bear very little to my niche experience and qualifications.  I have effectively had my whole career ended and is now in the hands of the employment tribunal.

It is always good to see that there are some understanding in the world of employment.

most neurodivergent people run into burnout and more often than they might even realise as we often push ourselves to keep going.  Yes it is painful, exhausting but psychologically painful too as we feel we are failing. WE ARE NOT failing at all, of course. Glad you've got an understanding manager. another factor I always found until I managed to stop is it adding to my own exhaustion by piling in negative feedback onto myself, judging myself for not being better. Today I've had a pottering kind of day, lots of little minor jobs done to make it productive but nothing requiring too much concentration. it has been lovely and restful but not wasted. I also took a walk outside in the sunshine to make myself feel more connected with the natural world. That is also deeply restorative, just a small patch of greenery can do the trick for burnout. good luck but exploring your internal thought patterns against yourself is a massive help as is accepting your limitations and working constructively with them.

hope this makes sense and helps

Hi there.

I have got reasonable adjustments in place like working from home if I need to but unfortunately no occupational health department. My manager is pretty good and fully understands how things affect me. We are coming up for a particularly busy period so I will definitely be having a discussion with her. I also have massive guilt feelings if I can't function properly which doesn't help. I always feel like I should be busy even if it's a quiet time. I think I'm still trying to navigate this crazy train that is AuDHD! However, it's good to know that this isn't unusual for us.

Hi fellow 'Lateling'

What you describe is dysregulation after too much stimuli. This can result in autistic burnout if not mitigated for.

Do you have any reasonable adjustments in place. It could be as simple as task organisation to spread your workload in manageable chunks.

Do you have an occupational health derpartment, if so, request a refferal.

Have you discussed with you manager the fact you are AuDHD?

This may just be a temporary blip at a particularly busy period.

To answer your question I get that fatigued feeling every evening and understand what you mean.