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does authenticity evolve?  Summary: I'm exploring how to balance my natural blunt logic with emotional awareness without burning out.

Phased

 I would like to discuss "evolving" authenticity as an autistic person with other members please.

I have come to decide post diagnosis that masking has hidden the "real" me for some time.

Now as I am apparently "discovering" who I am it would appear that I may be "evolving" as a person.

By which I give an examples that within this community I initially was drawn to make rapid response to others posts - mainly from a logical and often "blunt" fashion that has not fairly taken into account the other persons mental state.

This is a behaviour that i know myself to be biased towards and often have been a very harsh self-critic as i have no desire whatsoever to disregard other people's emotions or to harm them - especially people who I love and care about.

I now find myself returning to situations when this has happened and doing my best to redress the balance perhaps more promptly than I would have in the past.

I am accustomed to this process pre-diagnosis albeit often only after after a more prolonged period of reflection.

If there is the "bridge" to cross where one does not have to "correct" for this bias - where one naturally knows in advance what is the "best" approach for communication with any individual at any one time I find this much easiest to do with my very close family and loved ones.

I am drawn to want to express deep empathy for other people in order to stimulate this same depth of "best" communication however am really concerned about this being clumsy or socially misinterpreted.

Otherwise in broad terms I see a situation where one is able to discern in advance whether the individual is OK for and open to a logical and "blunt" approach - especially since there are layers of apparent confusion in my interpretation of how the person signals their openness and readiness for this.

Or one is able to identify that the best approach is to look for and explore further insights into their shifting emotional landscape and make ones behaviour most appropriate for this.

Both these latter options involve a "translation tax" of extra work that I have to make to bridge the empathy gap.  I am realising that this also exists within my communication with other members on this forum - people who are often most willing to put up with bluntness but perhaps need the opposite a lot of the time.  Because like me they spend a lot of the time in a mentally and emotionally exhausted state.

I find that there are many suggestions as to reduce the amount of "translation tax" of combining a firm logic based blunt processor with a more widely socially orientated perspective.  I wonder whether doing so over a prolonged period mans that eventually the "cost" of doing so is reduced - partly because in practicing it it becomes a more easily selected means of behaviour.

Perhaps this is evolving authenticty?

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  • I don’t believe authenticity is always reciprocated, or by everyone in the same ways. If I think about the hardest things I am learning or have to deal with, they often involve other people. If I want to earn money it involves some transactional exchange with other people. There is no way around this. How blood is thicker than water, or how other people group with others they recognise similar traits to their own in (this can make you believe people are alike/but it can be a situation ripe for deception). When people group like this they often proclaim themselves to be victims or underdogs, by comparing them to other socially. me this is defeatist. This doesn’t realy take into account the reality the other negated person is living in. And too far simplistic/desensitised way to look at people in the world. I also think it is a weakness to pick a side and try to build some sort of support for your belief that way. I personally don’t look to others to find any lost  part of myself, I find being in situations with people whose behaviour is unadaptable in this way to be unhelpful to me, I can read disingenuous people too easily. They may read that as me taking immediate dislike, but it’s not that at all, I see that they lack the awareness in themself. In terms of authenticity i would define this in terms of how someone follows through, their integrity or values. I think trust in individuals or types of people is largely hereditary or tribal, the problem on the other side is that people don’t learn, they persist in their own (or passed down) world view and don’t really learn or misuse logic. It’s actually quite frightening to live without these certain beliefs in something at least, it’s just the things they refer back to are outmoded. 
     I think a lot of the reason some of these untruths have not been addressed is that they provide a vehicle for so many of people’s actions. Nothing is pure, like an immaculate design. If humans were honest all the time nothing would happen and people would deeply insecure in a different way than they are now.

    I find it nearly impossible to be disingenuous in person I don’t know if this is evolving by so much as I’m having to learn more quickly about how people view me. The things I want to make an impact in seem much harder because I realise how little structure or support there is there, 

    it’s more easy for an carer to find a job based on my situation than it is for me to find a job or support. I find that deeply troubling ( and also disingenuous) that a world is now being deigned around us.

    Back to the start, don’t believe authenticity is always reciprocated is because it can be easily exploited. I have tested this theory in Christian ways at different points (people walk all over you) and it doesn't really hold up for long periods (on single truth that is), you have to keep adapting to situations and people. So it can be this immediate thing you just have to get over if you are thrown in to a situation with someone you don't like. Very few people can seem genuine or authentic in a prolonged way.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    Fair play, Pietro—that’s a pretty heavy, perceptive take on the 'authenticity trap.' You’ve clearly hit a wall with how transactional everything feels. It’s a sobering look at the social contract, but I reckon everyone has their own way of navigating that mess. Appreciate the candid input.

  • in reply to Phased

    the gist of it is, I can't put myself at a disadvantage, if the World is not yet Ndiverse ready. I know who to trust, at the outset - this is probably built on my own inbuilt bias/preference systems.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    apologies   am checking out for now will give an answer properly tomorrow

  • in reply to Phased

    Post diagnosis really it is about self discovery or helping others.

    It feels like im a lot more into the cognitive engagement part a lot more than is required, useful or productive sometimes. It’s possible to know a lot more than you will ever be able to communicate to anyone else. So the language needs ti be the same - or it’s taxing, I agree.

    if I think about bias and preference when it comes to communication and an autistic mind I think about a car gearbox. The ind has to be fully engaged in whatever it is doing for the gears to mesh and engine to drive. This is what flow and good communication are to me. It feels right and there is also an action, so much of the time it doesn’t feel like this. That’s the best metaphor I have at the moment.

  • in reply to pietro_21
    I see where you’re coming from with the 'inbuilt bias'  — it’s essentially a Type 1 survival response. When you feel the world isn't ready for how you process things, it’s easy to get stuck in that instinctive, defensive mode. It’s a way to avoid disadvantage, but it’s mostly driven by Type 1 stress.
    The trouble is, that level of stress makes it nearly impossible to move into a Type 2 way of thinking, where you can actually analyse the situation more logically. It feels like a tactical advantage, but it’s a very expensive way to live.
    It reminds me of the idea that you sometimes have to climb the mountain to reach the ease of the valley. Being in that defensive, biased mode is like staying on the steep climb permanently because you're afraid the valley isn't safe yet.
    Regarding not putting yourself at a disadvantage: the world might never be fully 'ready'. While that's frustrating, the only place any of us really have agency is in building our own internal boundaries and skills. Waiting for the world to change before moving out of that defensive mode effectively gives away your power to the very system you don't trust. It’s about finding a way to get to that 'valley' of ease on your own terms.
Reply
  • in reply to pietro_21
    I see where you’re coming from with the 'inbuilt bias'  — it’s essentially a Type 1 survival response. When you feel the world isn't ready for how you process things, it’s easy to get stuck in that instinctive, defensive mode. It’s a way to avoid disadvantage, but it’s mostly driven by Type 1 stress.
    The trouble is, that level of stress makes it nearly impossible to move into a Type 2 way of thinking, where you can actually analyse the situation more logically. It feels like a tactical advantage, but it’s a very expensive way to live.
    It reminds me of the idea that you sometimes have to climb the mountain to reach the ease of the valley. Being in that defensive, biased mode is like staying on the steep climb permanently because you're afraid the valley isn't safe yet.
    Regarding not putting yourself at a disadvantage: the world might never be fully 'ready'. While that's frustrating, the only place any of us really have agency is in building our own internal boundaries and skills. Waiting for the world to change before moving out of that defensive mode effectively gives away your power to the very system you don't trust. It’s about finding a way to get to that 'valley' of ease on your own terms.
Children
  • in reply to pietro_21

    apologies   am checking out for now will give an answer properly tomorrow

  • in reply to Phased

    Post diagnosis really it is about self discovery or helping others.

    It feels like im a lot more into the cognitive engagement part a lot more than is required, useful or productive sometimes. It’s possible to know a lot more than you will ever be able to communicate to anyone else. So the language needs ti be the same - or it’s taxing, I agree.

    if I think about bias and preference when it comes to communication and an autistic mind I think about a car gearbox. The ind has to be fully engaged in whatever it is doing for the gears to mesh and engine to drive. This is what flow and good communication are to me. It feels right and there is also an action, so much of the time it doesn’t feel like this. That’s the best metaphor I have at the moment.