• Replies 25 replies
  • Subscribers 81 subscribers
  • Views 226 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

does authenticity evolve?  Summary: I'm exploring how to balance my natural blunt logic with emotional awareness without burning out.

Phased

 I would like to discuss "evolving" authenticity as an autistic person with other members please.

I have come to decide post diagnosis that masking has hidden the "real" me for some time.

Now as I am apparently "discovering" who I am it would appear that I may be "evolving" as a person.

By which I give an examples that within this community I initially was drawn to make rapid response to others posts - mainly from a logical and often "blunt" fashion that has not fairly taken into account the other persons mental state.

This is a behaviour that i know myself to be biased towards and often have been a very harsh self-critic as i have no desire whatsoever to disregard other people's emotions or to harm them - especially people who I love and care about.

I now find myself returning to situations when this has happened and doing my best to redress the balance perhaps more promptly than I would have in the past.

I am accustomed to this process pre-diagnosis albeit often only after after a more prolonged period of reflection.

If there is the "bridge" to cross where one does not have to "correct" for this bias - where one naturally knows in advance what is the "best" approach for communication with any individual at any one time I find this much easiest to do with my very close family and loved ones.

I am drawn to want to express deep empathy for other people in order to stimulate this same depth of "best" communication however am really concerned about this being clumsy or socially misinterpreted.

Otherwise in broad terms I see a situation where one is able to discern in advance whether the individual is OK for and open to a logical and "blunt" approach - especially since there are layers of apparent confusion in my interpretation of how the person signals their openness and readiness for this.

Or one is able to identify that the best approach is to look for and explore further insights into their shifting emotional landscape and make ones behaviour most appropriate for this.

Both these latter options involve a "translation tax" of extra work that I have to make to bridge the empathy gap.  I am realising that this also exists within my communication with other members on this forum - people who are often most willing to put up with bluntness but perhaps need the opposite a lot of the time.  Because like me they spend a lot of the time in a mentally and emotionally exhausted state.

I find that there are many suggestions as to reduce the amount of "translation tax" of combining a firm logic based blunt processor with a more widely socially orientated perspective.  I wonder whether doing so over a prolonged period mans that eventually the "cost" of doing so is reduced - partly because in practicing it it becomes a more easily selected means of behaviour.

Perhaps this is evolving authenticty?

Parents

  • I don’t believe authenticity is always reciprocated, or by everyone in the same ways. If I think about the hardest things I am learning or have to deal with, they often involve other people. If I want to earn money it involves some transactional exchange with other people. There is no way around this. How blood is thicker than water, or how other people group with others they recognise similar traits to their own in (this can make you believe people are alike/but it can be a situation ripe for deception). When people group like this they often proclaim themselves to be victims or underdogs, by comparing them to other socially. me this is defeatist. This doesn’t realy take into account the reality the other negated person is living in. And too far simplistic/desensitised way to look at people in the world. I also think it is a weakness to pick a side and try to build some sort of support for your belief that way. I personally don’t look to others to find any lost  part of myself, I find being in situations with people whose behaviour is unadaptable in this way to be unhelpful to me, I can read disingenuous people too easily. They may read that as me taking immediate dislike, but it’s not that at all, I see that they lack the awareness in themself. In terms of authenticity i would define this in terms of how someone follows through, their integrity or values. I think trust in individuals or types of people is largely hereditary or tribal, the problem on the other side is that people don’t learn, they persist in their own (or passed down) world view and don’t really learn or misuse logic. It’s actually quite frightening to live without these certain beliefs in something at least, it’s just the things they refer back to are outmoded. 
     I think a lot of the reason some of these untruths have not been addressed is that they provide a vehicle for so many of people’s actions. Nothing is pure, like an immaculate design. If humans were honest all the time nothing would happen and people would deeply insecure in a different way than they are now.

    I find it nearly impossible to be disingenuous in person I don’t know if this is evolving by so much as I’m having to learn more quickly about how people view me. The things I want to make an impact in seem much harder because I realise how little structure or support there is there, 

    it’s more easy for an carer to find a job based on my situation than it is for me to find a job or support. I find that deeply troubling ( and also disingenuous) that a world is now being deigned around us.

    Back to the start, don’t believe authenticity is always reciprocated is because it can be easily exploited. I have tested this theory in Christian ways at different points (people walk all over you) and it doesn't really hold up for long periods (on single truth that is), you have to keep adapting to situations and people. So it can be this immediate thing you just have to get over if you are thrown in to a situation with someone you don't like. Very few people can seem genuine or authentic in a prolonged way.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    Just because you behave authentically dosen't mean you have to leave yourself open to being used and abused by the unscrupulous, you still have to wary, it's just that you will react in ways that authentic to you.

    Two, or more people can end up in a bad situation and both have equally contributed to it, they both need support and validation and they can be authentic in thier hurt and need for belief and comfort. Truth is never rarely just about one person and their actions, inactions beliefs etc. Surely we learn to become more authentic when we become more compassionate both towards ourselves and others, to me they go hand in hand. Being a doormat or allowing yourself to be used as one is compassionate to no one, nor is walking over others, although often you may have to walk away from them.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    This requires a nuanced approach that only really comes much later (post 40's). Self compassion is something I struggle with. Truths: there are many and they often run parallel.  I would just like to know that the apple I am holding is the same one you see. Same with love I sometimes see flaws in believing someone is the only one. Different discussion.

Reply
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    This requires a nuanced approach that only really comes much later (post 40's). Self compassion is something I struggle with. Truths: there are many and they often run parallel.  I would just like to know that the apple I am holding is the same one you see. Same with love I sometimes see flaws in believing someone is the only one. Different discussion.

Children
No Data