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does authenticity evolve?  Summary: I'm exploring how to balance my natural blunt logic with emotional awareness without burning out.

Phased

 I would like to discuss "evolving" authenticity as an autistic person with other members please.

I have come to decide post diagnosis that masking has hidden the "real" me for some time.

Now as I am apparently "discovering" who I am it would appear that I may be "evolving" as a person.

By which I give an examples that within this community I initially was drawn to make rapid response to others posts - mainly from a logical and often "blunt" fashion that has not fairly taken into account the other persons mental state.

This is a behaviour that i know myself to be biased towards and often have been a very harsh self-critic as i have no desire whatsoever to disregard other people's emotions or to harm them - especially people who I love and care about.

I now find myself returning to situations when this has happened and doing my best to redress the balance perhaps more promptly than I would have in the past.

I am accustomed to this process pre-diagnosis albeit often only after after a more prolonged period of reflection.

If there is the "bridge" to cross where one does not have to "correct" for this bias - where one naturally knows in advance what is the "best" approach for communication with any individual at any one time I find this much easiest to do with my very close family and loved ones.

I am drawn to want to express deep empathy for other people in order to stimulate this same depth of "best" communication however am really concerned about this being clumsy or socially misinterpreted.

Otherwise in broad terms I see a situation where one is able to discern in advance whether the individual is OK for and open to a logical and "blunt" approach - especially since there are layers of apparent confusion in my interpretation of how the person signals their openness and readiness for this.

Or one is able to identify that the best approach is to look for and explore further insights into their shifting emotional landscape and make ones behaviour most appropriate for this.

Both these latter options involve a "translation tax" of extra work that I have to make to bridge the empathy gap.  I am realising that this also exists within my communication with other members on this forum - people who are often most willing to put up with bluntness but perhaps need the opposite a lot of the time.  Because like me they spend a lot of the time in a mentally and emotionally exhausted state.

I find that there are many suggestions as to reduce the amount of "translation tax" of combining a firm logic based blunt processor with a more widely socially orientated perspective.  I wonder whether doing so over a prolonged period mans that eventually the "cost" of doing so is reduced - partly because in practicing it it becomes a more easily selected means of behaviour.

Perhaps this is evolving authenticty?

Parents

  • Your post really resonated with me. Since my diagnosis I feel like my authenticity is evolving too.

    Masking hid the real me for a long time and now I feel like I’m slowly discovering who I actually am.

    I’ve also become more aware of my bluntness in communication. Sometimes I respond quickly and logically and then ruminate afterwards about how my words may have landed.

    I also recognise what you describe as the translation tax that extra effort to balance being naturally logical and blunt with trying to read someone’s emotional state and respond in the best way for them. It’s exhausting.

    Something else I’ve noticed is that since spending time with gentler, more considerate people in my autistic group and with my therapist, some of my older connections feel much harsher.

    Being around people where I can be myself without comments like ‘stop acting thick’ has made me realise how much masking I was doing before.

    It’s made me realise that in some of my closest relationships I haven’t always felt able to be my true self especially the gentler, more thoughtful side of me  without being criticised or dismissed.

    So for me evolving authenticity feels like becoming more myself, while also becoming more aware of how I communicate and the environments where I feel safe to be that person

  • in reply to Lonehare12
    • Hi  Your experience resonates with my own. Pre-diagnosis, with some close people I was 'too sensitive', now it's 'your autism'. With others, some new-to-me people and certainly other NDs, it's easier. I'm a recovering people pleaser so my authenticity is about expressing and honouring my own needs, and setting boundaries. This is a bumpy journey but I sense some recent progress and a growing sense of self emerging.
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  • in reply to Lonehare12
    • Hi  Your experience resonates with my own. Pre-diagnosis, with some close people I was 'too sensitive', now it's 'your autism'. With others, some new-to-me people and certainly other NDs, it's easier. I'm a recovering people pleaser so my authenticity is about expressing and honouring my own needs, and setting boundaries. This is a bumpy journey but I sense some recent progress and a growing sense of self emerging.
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