Autism and old people

I will be 78 in a few days. Nobody knows much about ASD here. There is a great confusion among psychiatrists and psychologists (matter of fact the formers live in a jumble of psycho-schools  and are substantially self taught and the others, are attached to some  “master” who helped them to entering some  area to work or earn their living.

I started talking around  age four. And I lived all my life alone, even when I was in the family. Never married, never had a stable relationship with women or men, though being “straight” and “anatomically” a male. I earned a living with enormous effort. Being the son of an influential man, I found protection of which I was myself unaware. Having discovered at the end of my life this hidden background of a very modest success in economic and professional survival I feel like the husband that discovered after decades of marriage that his wife has always been infidel and that their interaction has been a constant pretence, voluntary by the wife, involuntary and vain by the husband. The past must be all erased, authenticity may be for the epilogue.   

Parents
  • “Mild” is here a treacherous word”. Absconded, invisible would be better. To manage an apparently “normal” life might require heroic efforts. People may say, at best, “he/she is a loner, a sad person, unsociable”, without never knowing the minimal crumb of suffering of the ASD, his solitude in his burrow or bubble, where every exchange with the outside world is only labored fake, a performance. The subject himself may not realize until the end of his/her life that he has acted normality all the time and that he/she waits for the end with that handful of ashes which his life has been all the time. He/she may even feel guilty of the constant lying of a life which has been dictated by the unspoken expectations of   “society” and think, like the character of a  famous novel-confession, that  "shame would survive his death".  

Reply
  • “Mild” is here a treacherous word”. Absconded, invisible would be better. To manage an apparently “normal” life might require heroic efforts. People may say, at best, “he/she is a loner, a sad person, unsociable”, without never knowing the minimal crumb of suffering of the ASD, his solitude in his burrow or bubble, where every exchange with the outside world is only labored fake, a performance. The subject himself may not realize until the end of his/her life that he has acted normality all the time and that he/she waits for the end with that handful of ashes which his life has been all the time. He/she may even feel guilty of the constant lying of a life which has been dictated by the unspoken expectations of   “society” and think, like the character of a  famous novel-confession, that  "shame would survive his death".  

Children
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