I’m black with Autism and ADHD and approaching 25 years old soon. I am feeling quite hopeless for many reasons. I look back on my life and realise that while I have not been a particularly kind person, my social life was already jeopardised.
Another factor adding to the experience is antiblack racism. I have experienced antiblackness moreso from other ethnic minorities than white people. Whatever autistic event is held is often around non-black people. For the sake of my own mental health, I’m not to keen on befriending them.
I am also quite anxious which has lead to me avoiding social interaction. To be quite honest, the vast majority of friends I’ve had are acquaintences. If they are friends, there is an assymetry in communication and energy. The lack of communication I’ve received was basically emotional neglect.
It isn’t so much that I want everyone to be my friend, I just don’t want my time being wasted. The promise of friendship is contradicted by sporadic communication, one-sidedness and passivity.
Even if all those quotas I listed are filled, there is still intracommunal alienation. The black community at large is quite religious, which goes against my desire to have friends who aren’t.
The isolation is so bad that I constantly alternate between anger and anxiety. I am by no means better than others, but the idea that social isolation is a consequence of “anti-social behaviour” doesn’t make sense to me.
With no social circle, I am practically at square one when it comes to jobs. All the DWP advice has disregarded my neurodivergence. I really want to be financially independent but I’ve lost motivation. What should I do going forward?