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Getting to know yourself again

Touiise

Hello, 

I was recently diagnosed with autism and whilst everyone has asked if it’s been such a relief. I feel guilty and sad that there’s a part of me which feels no relief but regret for finding out. 
it was suggested to me by my psychologist and come really out of the blue. I feel like I’m grieving for a life and brain that I was working so hard for in treatmemt for a big majority of my life that was never really attainable as that actually isn’t how my brain is even programmed. 

I was just wondering if anyone else felt this? I feel more disconnected from people than I did before and almost a level of resentment of why can’t things just be that simple for me. 

I don’t know how to voice this as again everyone keeps saying what a relief I must be feeling. It’s like they gave me a diagnosed and instead of clicking together, everything feels more jumbled up. 

Thank you 

Parents

  • Hiya Touiise. I can only speak from my recent diagnosis but I certainly dont feel relief. I know its early so im mindful of that but when you have struggled for decades, then you know you are likely to struggle in a different way for decades more it feel to me quite overwhelming. People keep saying 'oh you can get a decent career now' which I know is unhelpful but as if I/we didn't have enough pressure just getting through the day to day as it is. I think I have temporarily disassociated in order to protect myself. I am trying to focus on my strengths opposed to my challenges but its not easy. Talking to people who get it in some way has been helpful on reframing my perspective. My family (I feel) may aswel say they prefer the undiagnosed version, as they dont have to change. You can pick your friends im hopeful to find new ND ones. People on here are helpful and welcoming. Welcome!

Reply

  • Hiya Touiise. I can only speak from my recent diagnosis but I certainly dont feel relief. I know its early so im mindful of that but when you have struggled for decades, then you know you are likely to struggle in a different way for decades more it feel to me quite overwhelming. People keep saying 'oh you can get a decent career now' which I know is unhelpful but as if I/we didn't have enough pressure just getting through the day to day as it is. I think I have temporarily disassociated in order to protect myself. I am trying to focus on my strengths opposed to my challenges but its not easy. Talking to people who get it in some way has been helpful on reframing my perspective. My family (I feel) may aswel say they prefer the undiagnosed version, as they dont have to change. You can pick your friends im hopeful to find new ND ones. People on here are helpful and welcoming. Welcome!

Children
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