Fiancé Explosive Meltdowns

Hello everyone,

I've been with my partner for almost 10 years now and he is loveliest person I have ever met. He has undiagnosed autism, he is going to seek an assessment soon but is currently having talking therapy and it's all been a bit much for him. The past few years his meltdowns have been more frequent and more intense. Punching walls, hitting himself in the thighs, crashing around and breaking things. 

I have a back problem at the moment which has left me disabled and in need of support. He works full-time for a charity working from home. His job stresses him out and he finds having meltdowns about work. He is looking for a new job but that also puts him under more pressure and strain. He finds new situations stressful including social situations such as training new team members or attending meetings. He finds driving completely overwhelming and often worries that something is wrong with the car or that he has been issued with a driving ticket or has done something wrong. He has suicidal ideation and finds himself not wanting to be here anymore when he's near breaking point. 

My question really is how do I support him through his meltdowns? I had a traumatic childhood where I was physically and emotionally abused and so his meltdowns frighten me to my very core. Often I will end up isolating myself, cry and feel terrible for not knowing what on earth to do. 

I never shame him for having meltdowns but I often feel too afraid to go and comfort him. He always feels so guilty afterwards. I just want to be there for him and wondered if anyone has any guidance or help for me / him? 

Best wishes,

Laura

Parents
  • Talking therapy is CBT based therapy and reflects on questioning your thoughts and reversing them, he might be struggling with that or it might be bringing up things his struggling to process

    He might also be in autistic burnout, which makes everything worse (there's a good workbook on autistic burnout that might help you can buy)

    Is he able to identify what's triggering the meltdowns? What's zapping his energy?

    I'm not good at journalling, but my brother swears journalling helps him prevent meltdowns 

Reply
  • Talking therapy is CBT based therapy and reflects on questioning your thoughts and reversing them, he might be struggling with that or it might be bringing up things his struggling to process

    He might also be in autistic burnout, which makes everything worse (there's a good workbook on autistic burnout that might help you can buy)

    Is he able to identify what's triggering the meltdowns? What's zapping his energy?

    I'm not good at journalling, but my brother swears journalling helps him prevent meltdowns 

Children