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Sharing diagnosis with elderly parents- any advice?

Lemon slice

I think im at the point I'd like to share my diagnosis with my parents, they're in late eighties.

Im off work just now recovering from burnout, they know im off work, have told them im exhausted and work is too stressful but they're now really starting to ask more questions and I think they're worrying about me. Im never normally off work so this is highly unusual.

I think I want to tell them so they wont worry, however, aware they will still worry as they won't understand it all but at least they'll know im not dying! I think how I explain it to them, ie the words I use are important, eg I found out im autistic rather than I got diagnosed. 

I just wondered if anyone had any tips on telling elderly parents. Just to add my mum has early stage dementia. Others in my family already know about my diagnosis. 

  • Just bumping this as there are 2 threads with 2 sets of answers.

  • Their understanding of autism is likely to be very out of date unless they have kept up-to-date with changes over the decades in diagnostic criteria. 

    Therefore they might be shocked or disagree.

    I suggest you start by explaining what a 21st century diagnosis is based on.

    All the best. 

  • Just interested in this post because I haven't told my mother, she's in her 80s. To be honest, because of our relationship I don't think she'd understand. That generation was very much 'get on with things and don't bother anyone' plus she also has her own view of me. That said, it depends on your parents' characters and personalities. I think your idea "I just found out..." is nice and gentle.

  • Hi  - the only things I might suggest would be to explain that you are OK with being autistic, that you are still the same person and that it's not their fault - it's just a lifelong difference in how our brains work. The words will be important, as you have figured out. It may be hard for them to accept, so perhaps lean in to other family members for support. Hope that helps and good luck.