I’m an autistic lesbian in my mid 20s, and have been out for nearly 10 years, and diagnosed autistic just over a year ago, and live with my fiancée in my parents house as we’re saving to get married and move out. My younger sister (age 15) has a 1 year old that my mum cares for the majority of the time.
Me and my sister have an incredibly strained relationship and have had countless arguments and falling outs that have started from her being insulting towards me. We have recently just gotten along more after having a massive falling out a couple months ago, part of which resulted from her discriminating against me because I’m autistic, and making comments about an autistic person at her school who she seems to have bullied. Being autistic I really struggle with these disagreements and ruminate on them for ages and find it really hard to let things go, especially since it’s things that are personal to me and relate to me.
I thought that things were going well, until she massively blew a comment I made out of proportion. My fiancee got involved in order to defend me, and made a relevant comment about her having a baby so young. In response to this, my sister said she doesn’t want to come to our wedding anymore, and made a comment about how my fiancee and myself can’t understand as we’ll never be able to have a baby together. Which is ridiculous because she barely takes any parental responsibility or care over her baby, my mum does the majority of the hard work that comes along with being a parent.
Her comment is incredibly upsetting for many reasons, including the fact that due to health conditions I may not even be able to become pregnant. But besides that, it’s an incredibly ignorant comment as two women can have a baby.
My mum has even admitted that she is scared to punish her and tell her off for things when she is rude or being insulting to me and others. So no one ever says anything to her as they don’t want to upset her as she’s ’had a hard life’ but half of the things she has gone through, such as deaths in the family, have also happened to me. We all have things in life that are hard and struggles, but that doesn’t mean our behaviour can be excused. In an effort to not upset her, myself and my fiancee are being hurt in the process. How is this fair?
Am I overreacting at this comment? She has been rude and insulted me before, but never as an attack to my sexuality and I honestly don’t know what to do or how to respond to this. I’m scared that she is going to cut me out and won’t let me talk or be with my nephew, over something that started so small and that she has blown out of proportion. My fiancée knows she shouldn’t have made that comment, but in all honesty we are both fed up of being constantly attacked and made to feel like the bad guys because we’re standing up for ourselves, and not encouraging and facilitating her behaviour.
