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Late realisation of autism

MMATB

I’m 56 and work for the NHS. After recently attending Oliver MacGowan training it dawned on me I’ve been autistic all my life and not just  weird scaredy cat! I was always so anxious as a child and used to count in my head to try and cope. My parents weren’t sympathetic and always seemed embarrassed/ashamed of me. I learn early on to hide things to try and fit in and just ‘get on with it’. I became a single parent and struggled with overwhelm, avoidance and crippling social anxiety. Looking back so many of my ‘failures’ were actually signs of undiagnosed autism and lack of support. 
Recently some changes at work left me unable to cope. The stress tipped me into what feels like a complete breakdown. I’m currently signed off with work related stress. Thank god for econsult because if it wasn’t for that there’s no way I’d have contacted my GP. I’ve also told my GP about my suspected autism but the replies saying I’d have to go for a face to face appointment or phone consultation to explore further. There’s no way I can do this because my anxiety is just too high.I feel like my ability to mask has completely gone.Unison are involved and I’ve self referred to occupational health, also explaining to them the suspected autism but I haven’t had a response as yet. I’m sharing this as I feel very lost and hope someone can give me some advice.

Thank you for reading

Parents

  • Hello.

    It sounds like you were just about coping, but the additional stress has pushed you into burnout.

    It is like a sink, you can keep pouring stress in, but if you put it in faster than you take it out, eventually it will overflow. You then can't cope. You can't go back to how it was, you need less to allow it to empty.

    You have basically pushed your nervous system too hard for too long. It is now protesting. Threat mode is ramped up, everything seems hard work, anxiety peaks to keep you away from new things that add stress. You want safe quiet predictable things to allow it to stand down and re-baseline itself. This takes time.

    You don't have the capacity to mask, which means traits are more apparent. It can be confusing because you don't understand why you can't do things anymore.

    You need to try to relax, by whatever means you can. Sleep will be good for you. Try not to do much, but it only works if you don't feel guilty.

Reply

  • Hello.

    It sounds like you were just about coping, but the additional stress has pushed you into burnout.

    It is like a sink, you can keep pouring stress in, but if you put it in faster than you take it out, eventually it will overflow. You then can't cope. You can't go back to how it was, you need less to allow it to empty.

    You have basically pushed your nervous system too hard for too long. It is now protesting. Threat mode is ramped up, everything seems hard work, anxiety peaks to keep you away from new things that add stress. You want safe quiet predictable things to allow it to stand down and re-baseline itself. This takes time.

    You don't have the capacity to mask, which means traits are more apparent. It can be confusing because you don't understand why you can't do things anymore.

    You need to try to relax, by whatever means you can. Sleep will be good for you. Try not to do much, but it only works if you don't feel guilty.

Children
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