Masking unintentionally since childhood

Failed my first asd test due to being normal during a conversation which made me think since I was child bern bullied non stop so I've been trying to mask myself as normal as possible as a kid and it worked to some degree but when online on discord I show my real swlf but I can't do that to real people even my mother she's hard to talk with abd hates sounds abd mire very angry over simple things so I can't show her the real me but then again I don't know how to unmask years of hiding. Maybe I am normal thinking im not tbh ever since psychology diagnosed me as asd well told me all I think about because it nakes sense but when I see asd people im like I don't think im like them but I got so many debilitating issues with mental and starting to notice what sone if them are not. Like anxiety coming on due to sensory ir meltdowns I akways thought I was just being childish and upset over everything being overwhelming. It's hard not knowing if I truly am autistic ir adhd or something else but the issues gave been since childhood and only gotten far worse and I might bever fet the diagnosis I need to improve my life 

Parents
  • If you are a high masking autistic person, as I am myself, it is best to highlight this at any ASD assessment. Go into detail about how and why you mask. As an example I make apparently 'normal' eye contact, but I do it abnormally - I time making and breaking eye contact, as I have worked out what level seems to make people happy - so I made this clear before the assessment to stop any misinterpretation.

    I make one-to-one conversation very fluidly, but I have great difficulties with maintaining conversation if there is any intrusive background noise, I am constantly distracted. In conversations involving groups I have great difficulty following what is happening and often mis-time getting my own contributions in and end up talking over someone else. I made all this clear. In your assessment I think that the assessors were putting too much emphasis on observation (absolutely useless in assessing high masking adults) or did not ask you the right questions about your traits and history (and/or you did not volunteer them).

    Speaking personally, I think that my masking is a hard-won ability that allows me an easier (and more effective) life in an allistic world. I have come to the conclusion that my masking/camouflaging is as much a part of me as my autism.

Reply
  • If you are a high masking autistic person, as I am myself, it is best to highlight this at any ASD assessment. Go into detail about how and why you mask. As an example I make apparently 'normal' eye contact, but I do it abnormally - I time making and breaking eye contact, as I have worked out what level seems to make people happy - so I made this clear before the assessment to stop any misinterpretation.

    I make one-to-one conversation very fluidly, but I have great difficulties with maintaining conversation if there is any intrusive background noise, I am constantly distracted. In conversations involving groups I have great difficulty following what is happening and often mis-time getting my own contributions in and end up talking over someone else. I made all this clear. In your assessment I think that the assessors were putting too much emphasis on observation (absolutely useless in assessing high masking adults) or did not ask you the right questions about your traits and history (and/or you did not volunteer them).

    Speaking personally, I think that my masking is a hard-won ability that allows me an easier (and more effective) life in an allistic world. I have come to the conclusion that my masking/camouflaging is as much a part of me as my autism.

Children
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