Late diagnosis, burn out and trying to stay in teaching

It has taken me 8 months from my diagnosis to finally come to terms with stuff. I was burnt out, but because the first time that happened was under difficult circumstances it all came back.

You are like a bath tub. You can do things, it is all fine, but each thing fills up the bath a bit. If you keep pressing eventually it is full and overflows.

The problem is when stressed it is impossible to think properly. You lose perspective, things seem overwhelming, emotions go wrong, things seem hard, you are resistant to change, black and white thinking comes in, you life seems bad, you focus on negatives because you are in threat mode.

You need to make some space in the bath tub. It takes some time to get the level down. This is why you can feel fine but easily fall back into the same problem with Judy a simple request.

Does it get better, yes. But it is not easy.

The accommodations are about slowing or stopping some of the things coming into the bath tub. Rest and doing a bit less is about emptying some of the tub to increase capacity.

What accommodations you need will be up to you. Mostly it is a out reducing sensory input, and reducing pressure on yourself. Automate what you can, bills, emails etc. stop doom scrolling, ignore with for 2 weeks, learn to say no, consider so excercise. I have a rowing machine, I have realised it is whole body stimming, it regulates me so well. I can't believe I never noticed.

Stop alcohol. It feels like it works, but you crash harder the next day. Consider cutting caffeine for a few weeks. Try to be hydrated.

Journal during the day, not evening. Get things out. Get them in words, not vague ideas going round I your head. It doesn't matter how daft, don't judge, just write it down. You will see patterns. Your views will swing around based on what state you are in. (This will stabilise eventually). In the evening watch something low demand, or read, gave low lighting. Try not to think at night, you get sucked in (I know it sounds impossible). 

Have lots of quiet time. Try to go outside, in the garden or something non stressful. Try to keep some human contact, e.g. a coffee shop so you see people but don't have to interact. I keeps the world real and stops you being housebound, even if you are just grateful to come home.

When you spiral try to remember it is temporary and will pass.

Make sure you have enough vitamin D, are hydrated and eat less carbs (it works).

2 weeks is not much time, but you can make a start.

Once you can think clearly, which is in the mornings to start with, you can start to make plans. Do not decide anything when in overload mode. Just note it and then park it.

The biggest thing for me this week was:

Diagnosis is supposed to be regulating not dysregulating. Don't focus on what is wrong. Nothing is wrong. You are just sensitive, process slightly differently, overloaded, and struggling.

When the bath tub is more empty, you can do the things you want. You can't be happy when the tub is full and you are in threat or overload mode.

Thank you for this. That analogy really makes sense to me. 
in terms of the two weeks I think that was just a starter; work have been great and been in touch in not a pushy way…but the fact I’m getting anxiety just seeing the emails means I know I’m not safe there yet. 
I just feel like I’m plodding along at the minute if that makes sense? Pinging from one stresser to the other, and just getting really frustrated that I can’t always explain why. 

Thank you for this. That analogy really makes sense to me. 
in terms of the two weeks I think that was just a starter; work have been great and been in touch in not a pushy way…but the fact I’m getting anxiety just seeing the emails means I know I’m not safe there yet. 
I just feel like I’m plodding along at the minute if that makes sense? Pinging from one stresser to the other, and just getting really frustrated that I can’t always explain why. 

Thank you. Your words are so kind :-)

You are plodding along because that's what happens when you are overloaded. To protect yourself your world shrinks to what you can manage.

Each thing stresses you because the dial is turned up.

This is why you are signed off. Don't look at emails each day. Do something else. Paint, draw, read, bake, write, something non-stressful that occupies you a little. Take breaks and stop when you get tired.

You can think about what you like, what is good, what you'd like to keep, what to change only when you feel good. Don't make decisions, and stop if it makes you anxious. But you may start to get a feeling of being in control.

Tidying up small areas also helps. It give focus and a sense of agency. Life is not happening to you, you can also have a say.

It is easy to get overwhelmed. Accept this, don't fight it, and it will actually be better. Just try to not let dips last too long. If you need to cry then go for it. Don't be ashamed. It releases various chemicals that soothe you. Don't dot it for hours but a few minutes is fine. Frustration is fine. 

Bottling stuff up is what loads your nervous system. You don't have to be super strong all the time.

You can do this. But you need to give yourself some space.

Also, remember the world won't end if you don't do something. Why do today what you can successfully put off till to tomorrow. Don't feel guilty or lazy if you do nothing. You are off for a reason. You are not weak. You are doing the best you can.