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Sibling of autistic adult - power of attorney

HelenDaniels24

Hi all,

My name’s Helen, I’m 33 and my autistic brother is 35.

My brother is fully verbal but relatively severe on the spectrum (sensory overload, can harm himself when angry, unable to make standard conversation, unable to hold down a job). My parents have cared for him their entire lives and they all still live in our childhood home.

My parents are starting to talk to me about power of attorney in relation to my brother - I’m writing here to ask if anyone has any guidance about beginning this conversation? What kind of questions should I be asking? I feel very out of my depth. If there is anyone you recommend I speak to, or anything I should read, I would be grateful. 

Could I also ask if anyone has any information on the average price of an assisted living facility per month for an autistic adult? My research so far varied between £4,000 and £7,000 per month. If anyone can help with more thoughts on this, I’d again be incredibly grateful.

Thanks in advance,

Helen

Parents
  • HelenDaniels24 said:
    My parents are starting to talk to me about power of attorney in relation to my brother - I’m writing here to ask if anyone has any guidance about beginning this conversation?

    Hello Helen, this falls very much into the realm of legal advice which we are unable to give under the rules of the site.

    I would recommend finding a lawyer or solicitor who deals with this subject (since they would have to draw up the paperwork ultimately) and ask them for links to good advice on the practicalities of it - there will be books on the subject.

    The prices you have seen do sound about right but there is a great deal of difference in quality and quantity of care for the money so I would spend a lot of time researching and speaking with other families who use the services of these homes to get their opinions.

    HelenDaniels24 said:
    I feel very out of my depth

    I would treat it as a project to find all the information and make the decisions then have a second project on how to run it day to day and who you need to get involved to help, to cover when you are on holiday / sick etc and who will share the responsibility of decisions with, if anyone.

    I find it helps to imagine myself as another person when handling these tasks - someone who is not emotionally invested in the person involved so that I make better decisions. Having other people involved for important decisions helps share the burdon a lot but try to make it an odd number so you do not end up in a decision stalemate.

    We can help with practical advice on some aspects but I think you need a legal expert in this field to start with.

    Good luck

Reply
  • HelenDaniels24 said:
    My parents are starting to talk to me about power of attorney in relation to my brother - I’m writing here to ask if anyone has any guidance about beginning this conversation?

    Hello Helen, this falls very much into the realm of legal advice which we are unable to give under the rules of the site.

    I would recommend finding a lawyer or solicitor who deals with this subject (since they would have to draw up the paperwork ultimately) and ask them for links to good advice on the practicalities of it - there will be books on the subject.

    The prices you have seen do sound about right but there is a great deal of difference in quality and quantity of care for the money so I would spend a lot of time researching and speaking with other families who use the services of these homes to get their opinions.

    HelenDaniels24 said:
    I feel very out of my depth

    I would treat it as a project to find all the information and make the decisions then have a second project on how to run it day to day and who you need to get involved to help, to cover when you are on holiday / sick etc and who will share the responsibility of decisions with, if anyone.

    I find it helps to imagine myself as another person when handling these tasks - someone who is not emotionally invested in the person involved so that I make better decisions. Having other people involved for important decisions helps share the burdon a lot but try to make it an odd number so you do not end up in a decision stalemate.

    We can help with practical advice on some aspects but I think you need a legal expert in this field to start with.

    Good luck

Children
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