It's no secret that people with Autism tend to have special interests. I have found my entire life, I share this proclivity, but with a difference.
I take a fascination in something novel, and go deep into it, immerse myself in it, and begin recognising patterns and acquiring a great deal through this process.
Suddenly however, I switch to something novel, typically something completely unrelated.
This has been great to learn about a lot of things, but not so great as it means I have pursued many tracks in life, seemingly without fully honing a single one.
It's great to be able to know a little about a lot, but perhaps not so great to not fully develop a single thing.
Being fair to myself here for a moment, and thinking critically, if I were to pursue a single track fully, it leaves so much more to not be learned about or understood.
It doesn't feel conscious however. Dopamine related most likely, also having ADHD.
Seeing others succeed in a single area, making a living with their knowledge and expertise makes me feel like I am at fault in some sense.
It is said 10,000 hours spent in an area suggests expertise, but the deeper I go into any area (even more than 10,000 hours) hasn't yielded success, financial stability, a career or anything that represents the stability that typically is seen achieved by others when they achieve the milestones with their knowledge.
I continue to seek novelty, and immerse myself, recently moving further away from technology (~50,000 hours spent), with the same feelings of "hopefully this time it will be different", after over 3 decades of the same pattern, I have recognised the pattern itself, not realising what I think was always the goal, to feel stable and able to move forward.
Now, as I near completion of my Degree in IT, and feeling what I perceive to be near resentment of 'technology' and 'my patterns of continuing novel things', I seem to be looking and gradually moving in a completely different direction towards Health, Wellbeing & Personal training.
The list of interests and skills I have acquired in the last 30 years is ridiculous, and yet I still feel lacking in accomplishment.
For me right now the reflection of what "accomplishment" means to me is the hot topic. As if having the skills of IT Systems & Programming languages, Network engineering, Construction, Decorating, Catering and many others amount to the feeling of "it is not enough", but only as I feel the goal has probably always been the idea of "I feel financially stable and safe", and none of these skills have got me to that point.
Have you experienced similar and how do you continue to navigate through the world?