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Late diagnosis + realisation + identity

ST

Hi, 

I'm in my early 20s and I strongly suspect that I am autistic (AuDHD) . The online tests I have taken say I am, but that does not completely reassure me. I have seen a GP and I am on a waiting list but I don't feel confident that I will be able to secure a test, or afford one through a private provider. I was hoping someone might be able to offer some advice. 

It started about half a year ago. Someone who has spent a lot of time with autistic people said they strongly suspect that I have autism. Their comment didn't register immediately but once I started looking back at my experiences, the penny dropped like an anvil. The more I looked into it, the more I was shocked that the ways I experienced life were not unique to me. I never really thought about them, collectively, as a symptom of a border feature so the surveys surprisingly helped a bunch once I started researching. I had seen CAMHS for most of my teen years and had a fairly tumultuous upbringing (ended up in foster care (only child to) ) moving around a lot (I think around 12+ times now) so I didn't have the stability to clock it or to be around other people for long enough for them to ( I can't maintain relationships). CAMHS diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, which is what I believed was the source of feeling like a square on a circle, but even though I got better at managing my mental health, the strange feeling persisted (Is there a word for this?). 

I am deeply confused because I'm not sure if my experiences are a result of trauma or neurodiversity. The fact that I suspect I have both autistic and ADHD traits makes it even more confusing (+ the frustration that it took so long to register). This confusion, confusingly coming from clarity that I did not have before,  is having a bit of a frustrating and negative impact on my career and relationships. I have masked my entire life so nothing feels real and I'm second-guessing everything, I am trying to find and do things that make me more comfortable which I feel like might be isolate me , and I have lost a lot of confidence because I'm overthinking more than I used to. 

I wanted to ask what helped. Does a formal diagnosis help? How long does it take and what does it take to reframe yourself in a way that is not unhealthy? Could I be wrong about myself? How do you learn ( because functioning in a neurotypical world will require sacrifices) what to 'encourage' yourself to do? Is it all trial and error (I have a horrible feeling it might be) or are there (free) resources out there? I genuinely feel like I have been set back to 0 so I am questioning everything. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions or insights. Thank you for taking the time to read this Slight smile

Parents
  • ST said:
    Does a formal diagnosis help?

    As an official diagnosis it made no difference at all for me. Knowing I was autistic made a big difference as I then could read up on my condition to understand it and learn more about it so I could develop ways to minimise its impact on me.

    As for reframing myself - I am just me so I didn't need to do this. I look on my autism as an intrinsic part of myself like my light coloured skin -  something where understanding it helps (eg avoid the sun without sunscreen - or - avoid loud bars if you want to have a conversation). I found it helps to accept yourself just as you are.

    ST said:
    How do you learn ( because functioning in a neurotypical world will require sacrifices) what to 'encourage' yourself to do?

    I used a mix of reading up on the subject, using this site to see other peoples experiences and engaging with a psychotherapist to work though the areas I struggled with on my own.

    For free resources there is this site and a few similar ones on the internet but you have to do all the effort of interacting, learning and making your own efforts to work on coping techniques. Everything else is either inadequate or costs a lot in my experience.

    ST said:
    I genuinely feel like I have been set back to 0 so I am questioning everything.

    You are way further along than you think. The online tests are a really good indication (nothing is infallable of course) so you now have a high confidence in understanding yourself. Use this to learn and develop.

    You will quickly find that the rest of the world does not really care (with a few exceptions) at best or will view you as defective of dangerous at worst when you try to point out that you are autistic. This sucks but I see this lived experience repeated time and again on this forum. I advise not disclosing it unless you need to do so.

    Wait lists for a formal diagnisis in autism or ADHD are typically many years but there is a path available in England called Right To Choose that can accelerate this to less than a year if your GP will accept it. Details on the whole diagnisis request thing are here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/how-to-request-an-autism-assessment

Reply
  • ST said:
    Does a formal diagnosis help?

    As an official diagnosis it made no difference at all for me. Knowing I was autistic made a big difference as I then could read up on my condition to understand it and learn more about it so I could develop ways to minimise its impact on me.

    As for reframing myself - I am just me so I didn't need to do this. I look on my autism as an intrinsic part of myself like my light coloured skin -  something where understanding it helps (eg avoid the sun without sunscreen - or - avoid loud bars if you want to have a conversation). I found it helps to accept yourself just as you are.

    ST said:
    How do you learn ( because functioning in a neurotypical world will require sacrifices) what to 'encourage' yourself to do?

    I used a mix of reading up on the subject, using this site to see other peoples experiences and engaging with a psychotherapist to work though the areas I struggled with on my own.

    For free resources there is this site and a few similar ones on the internet but you have to do all the effort of interacting, learning and making your own efforts to work on coping techniques. Everything else is either inadequate or costs a lot in my experience.

    ST said:
    I genuinely feel like I have been set back to 0 so I am questioning everything.

    You are way further along than you think. The online tests are a really good indication (nothing is infallable of course) so you now have a high confidence in understanding yourself. Use this to learn and develop.

    You will quickly find that the rest of the world does not really care (with a few exceptions) at best or will view you as defective of dangerous at worst when you try to point out that you are autistic. This sucks but I see this lived experience repeated time and again on this forum. I advise not disclosing it unless you need to do so.

    Wait lists for a formal diagnisis in autism or ADHD are typically many years but there is a path available in England called Right To Choose that can accelerate this to less than a year if your GP will accept it. Details on the whole diagnisis request thing are here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/how-to-request-an-autism-assessment

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