I’m in my mid-30s, an international student in the UK, and this year I finally got diagnosed as autistic. My whole life, I’ve battled intense anxiety and depression, which I now see was partly due to not understanding why I struggled so much in a world that felt alien. I pushed myself through higher education, and now, as a PhD student, I still grapple with these feelings. After my diagnosis, instead of relief, I’m left with anger—because unlike other diagnoses, there’s no quick fix. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried meds—so far, nothing’s helped me continue as I’d hoped. Being an international student, I can’t access any financial support, and I feel alone. What’s changed after the diagnosis? Mostly this huge frustration.
To add to that, relationships—especially with neurotypicals—feel like they’re falling apart. Even when people say they ‘get’ my diagnosis, it doesn’t bridge the gap. I’m at a university that prides itself on supporting autistic students, yet working, dealing with social dynamics, and presenting at conferences while navigating all this is so incredibly hard. I’m tired, and this sucks. I just wish someone could show me it’ll get better—and soon—because right now, this is so hard.
