So I recently met a girl in my accommodation. She seems to have taken an instant liking to me. I didn't notice her at first at all.
Eventually we went out on a date (both of us explicitly said that it was a date). She guessed I had autism and said she had autism, too. I felt safe with her because of this.
When she asked about my dad, I said his name with anger. What followed was poorly-disguised pressure to try and get me to tell her what happened. By this point, this girl had very loudly let loose that she was 'into' my smile and hair and was being very, very sweet to me and so I felt safe telling her: that my dad was very abusive in my childhood. The only thing I didn't like about her behaviour up until this point is her alarming distrust of my ancestors (she's Polish and my grandfather served in the Soviet Army).
So, I told her my father was abusive.
Immediately, she began asking very upsetting and personal questions like 'Did you ever have any positive experiences in your life?' with an obvious undertone.
The next morning led to a day full of agony for me. She loudly announced that she was taking back her decision to continue dating and that she would be, in other words, judging my behaviour and deciding if I was worth dating.
The more serious wound was her implication that I was dangerous. She directly, to my face, said 'People who are abused become abusive'.
I had to deal with this for the whole day. She progressively wound herself up into a massive nervous breakdown and began crying in front of me. I tried to comfort her (no matter how much it hurt to be judged like this). Her brother then called both of us- I already disliked him because my date had already said that her distrust of my ancestors was because of him.
The first thing he asked me was 'So, your grandfather served in the Soviet Military...anything against Poland?".
The thing about me is that saying something like that to me, especially when I'm with a broken heart, is probably the worst thing you could say to me. You can insult me all you like, call me any name you like, but leave him out of it. I never forgave her brother for that, no matter how hard I tried.
Closer to the evening, my date began asking me if I'd block her if she said no. She wound herself up to tears again and began saying 'I'm not saying no! I'm still here!'.
I was crying, too. The sight of how her lips moved when she was talking drove me to tears for some reason.
The next month was awful for me. I felt ridiculously upset about being treated as a threat and dangerous. But she instructed me not to talk about it and said 'talking about it will make me decide longer' and all that. The day after I held her in my arms for 7 hours as she broke my heart, she said my eye movements didn't match my words, and accused me of being dishonest in saying so.
She at one point said she didn't want me to- ever again- ask her things like 'When did you first dream of me?' (Even though she started that conversation first). I agreed.
On the last day of our relationship, she suddenly began interrogating me. Some of the things she asked were:
'Why do you like me? You barely know me'
'How do you know you like me?'
The exact things she asked me not to ask her. I thought this undid her 'rule'. Then she accused me of communication differences and made a huge mess out of it, attaching herself to almost any word I said which implied I felt something for her and demanding explanations.
I was extremely hurt (and also scared because of rapidly approaching interviews and flights), and asked her 'How much did I push you away?'.
She exploded. After writing me messages saying she was 'very disappointed in me' and claiming she was 'extremely nice', she began demanding space. I gave it to her.
She suddenly came back when she got scared about something else and wanted reassurance. When she calmed down she demanded space again.
She broke up with me that evening, accusing me of dishonesty and for asking 'How much did I push you away?' when I allegedly promised not to (and I never promised that).
Very soon, I'll be back in university and she lives on the floor below. If I'm honest, I don't want to see her at least until this stops hurting me (she on the contrary has trouble letting me go, it seems).
So, I got broken up with again.
More seriously, I am genuinely afraid now that I am a danger to everyone around me because of my abuse history. I don't want to turn into a monster, but her words and suspicion terrified me.
