I’m married, and my husband of 30+ years has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism and I am struggling with the level of masking and how I now feel that I don’t know my husband or if he ever loved me. I’m sorry if this sounds negative but I am findi

ASD and ADHD are neurodevelopmental conditions, they are there from before birth. Your husband has always had these conditions. He is the same person before and after diagnosis. Personally, I came to the conclusion that my masking/camouflaging was as much a part of me as my autism. There is a tendency among autistic people to regard relationships, once established, as being permanent. This means that autistic people tend not to put a lot of effort into actively maintaining a relationship, why tinker with something that you consider is unchanging? On the plus side, emotional connections tend to be permanent.

ASD and ADHD are neurodevelopmental conditions, they are there from before birth. Your husband has always had these conditions. He is the same person before and after diagnosis. Personally, I came to the conclusion that my masking/camouflaging was as much a part of me as my autism. There is a tendency among autistic people to regard relationships, once established, as being permanent. This means that autistic people tend not to put a lot of effort into actively maintaining a relationship, why tinker with something that you consider is unchanging? On the plus side, emotional connections tend to be permanent.