Holding Out for My Mr. Darcy

I'm sure there is.

The issue is whether you can find him and then whether he's available when you do.

The problem is just meeting people, it gets harder as you get older. Modern life has made it harder still.

Basically the more you socialise the more chance there is. You need to be visible. Work, clubs (as in activities), social events, courses, just being out and about. But I don't think the odds are too high. Otherwise there are apps, but I can't face that, maybe you can, assuming all the people aren't just lying.

I used to have hope luck would smile on me.

But you only need one, not hundreds, so who knows 

Maybe 2026 will bring what you what Santa forgot.

Hi, 

Very kind words, I agree with you.

I know I probably hinder myself by not socialising, but at the same time it’s not easy to socialise when you don’t already have friends. Definitely food for thought.

I can’t really see myself going down the app route. Not to say it hasn’t worked for some people—I’m just not sure it would suit me.

Here’s to 2026… just the one.

It didn’t escape my notice that you said you used to have hope. What happened to it?

NeurodivergentMind said:

It didn’t escape my notice that you said you used to have hope. What happened to it?

It is hard to answer this and I am still trying to come to terms with my life. I didn't know whether to say something.

I had someone I put huge effort into for 7 years. I wanted to buy a house together, we talked about our future, we'd had some good holidays. We were quite similar, but also complimentary. I fancied her so much even after 7 years. We rented a stone cottage in the Cotswolds by a canal, looking over fields with a stone pub round the corner.

I was struggling, masking, and putting too much in. I earned the most and had supported her doing qualifications. I didn't understand relationships very well. We had some miscommunications which caused problems. I ended up burntout and had a complete emotional overload and ended up ashamed alone lying on the floor. We split up, my idea, I was told she was no good for me by a counsellor the year before.  She has proposed joint counseling but I had refused. She was too blunt and in burnout everything is seen as a threat.

She suggested autism and neglect, but I rejected it. I thought I was being manipulated. She said I needed boundaries but I didn't know what that meant. I thought she was making me depressed. I had dysfunctional thoughts.

Autistic burnout was not known 30 years ago. You couldn't get an adult ASD diagnosis. Masking was unknown. The effects of childhood emotional neglect were not well known, etc. I hide everything very well. I can function on the outside even while collapsing. I thought she had broken me. I realised this year I broke myself (29 year delayed processing, must be some sort of record). There is more to it, shame, guilt, confusion and trauma play a part

I buried it all and hoped to find someone, but I don't know how. I hoped I would meet someone at work or in a pub. But work is isolating and it never happened. I never met anyone the same. I think about her every week. I also thought it would be best to be alone, it seemed easier, plus it seemed to be my destiny. This appears to also be dysfunctional thinking. But it is easier and more regulated to be alone, if more empty.

If I'd known what I know now, it would have been possible to make it work. It didn't know it was just burnout 

I have overworked, up to 110 hrs in a week once, to compensate and try to prove I was worth something. But I pushed too hard and nothing quite worked out. Due to continuous overload it has been a struggle.

Life has been a huge endurance test. It hasn't really been worth it. The odds were always stacked against me. Life in hard mode.

This year I finally eased off and got diagnosed. Now I see all the issues were not insurmountable. I didn't achieve my dreams. I wasted my money and I lost my friend and person I was ted to share my life and memories with. I wrote to her a few months ago to say sorry and thank you, but it was ignored.

The grief has been profound and very destabilising. I just wanted to matter to someone and for someone to be proud of me.

I am not young anymore. I feel I am just starting my life. I don't plan to retire. If I can make it to 90 I have 30 years. I can have a new life but I don't have as much energy as I once did and I am not rich.

Thank you for trusting me with something so personal. What you’ve shared carries an enormous amount of grief, insight, and honesty, and I want you to know it really landed with me.

It sounds like you gave everything you had with the knowledge and tools you had at the time. Burnout, masking, and not understanding your own needs can distort reality so profoundly, none of that makes you weak or at fault. It makes you human, and it makes sense that things felt impossible when your nervous system was overwhelmed.

The loss you describe isn’t just of a relationship, but of a future you believed in, and of the version of yourself you might have been with the understanding you have now. That kind of grief is deep and destabilising, and it’s understandable that it still echoes years later.

I’m really glad you’ve reached a place where you have answers and a diagnosis, even though I know how bittersweet that clarity can be. It doesn’t erase what was lost, but it does mean that the struggles weren’t a personal failing. You mattered then, and you matter now, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

You’ve survived life on hard mode for a very long time. The fact that you’re still reflecting, still hoping for meaning, and still imagining a future says a lot about your strength, even if you don’t feel strong at all.

I’m really glad you’re here and that you shared this. 

Thank you for trusting me with something so personal. What you’ve shared carries an enormous amount of grief, insight, and honesty, and I want you to know it really landed with me.

It sounds like you gave everything you had with the knowledge and tools you had at the time. Burnout, masking, and not understanding your own needs can distort reality so profoundly, none of that makes you weak or at fault. It makes you human, and it makes sense that things felt impossible when your nervous system was overwhelmed.

The loss you describe isn’t just of a relationship, but of a future you believed in, and of the version of yourself you might have been with the understanding you have now. That kind of grief is deep and destabilising, and it’s understandable that it still echoes years later.

I’m really glad you’ve reached a place where you have answers and a diagnosis, even though I know how bittersweet that clarity can be. It doesn’t erase what was lost, but it does mean that the struggles weren’t a personal failing. You mattered then, and you matter now, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

You’ve survived life on hard mode for a very long time. The fact that you’re still reflecting, still hoping for meaning, and still imagining a future says a lot about your strength, even if you don’t feel strong at all.

I’m really glad you’re here and that you shared this.