Hi everyone, I’m Jason.
I’m new to the forum and this is my first post. I’ve spent most of my life quietly processing things on my own, but recently I’ve started opening up more both to myself and to others. What follows is a summary of my journey this year, which I hope might resonate with someone or simply raise awareness. I’m not looking for attention, just a space to share honestly and maybe connect with others who’ve had similar experiences.
A few months ago, I lost my job due to behaviours I couldn’t explain at the time. During my suspension, I visited my doctor and began discussing these patterns. He suggested I might be autistic and referred me for an assessment which I’ve now registered for, though I’m on a two year waiting list.
I was eventually dismissed from my role. During the disciplinary meeting, I disclosed that I’d referred myself for an autism assessment. I didn’t try to label myself or use it as an excuse I just wanted to be honest.
Afterward, I took a few months to reset. I began researching autism to better understand myself, and slowly, things started to make sense. I saw connections between my behaviours and traits I hadn’t understood before. With this new awareness, I started applying for jobs again.
One advert stood out. It said: You don’t need specific experience to join us. Provided you’re naturally helpful, calm and can build relationships we can train you on the rest.
That spoke to me. I knew I was naturally like that, so I applied. I was honest during the phone interview about my past and my ongoing assessment. I shared how I view feedback as a learning opportunity and how I’m always trying to improve.
I was invited to an open day. They asked if I needed any adjustments, and I said I felt okay I think I said that because I felt understood. Disclosing my possible diagnosis had given me confidence. I interacted well with other candidates, shared my hobbies, and felt positive.
I was invited back for a final interview, which went really well. I connected with the interviewer and felt seen. They said I’d hear back in a few days.
Instead, I waited over a week and received a vague email: After careful consideration, we believe your skills and experience may not fully align with the requirements for this role…
It was disheartening. I’m sure others have received similar messages vague, impersonal, and hard to process.
Sometimes I feel that in situations like disciplinary hearings, people only listen for surface level answers. But my truth lives in layers they haven’t been trained to hear. That mismatch makes it hard to explain myself, and I know others may feel the same even if they haven’t yet found the words for it.
Moving on, when I apply for future roles, I often feel I have to be careful maybe even avoid saying I have any issues. Instead, I fall back on what I’ve done for most of my life masking my behaviour, pretending to be someone else, someone they prefer, rather than just being myself.
I’m nearly 48. I’ve spent most of my life masking. But I’m tired now. I want to be myself. I want to be understood. And I want to work.
Thanks for reading I appreciate anyone who takes the time to listen.
