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Newly diagnosed - my career, family and friendships

JB33

Hi everyone. 

I was just diagnosed at 38 this month. It sits alongside adhd for me. I’ve had a professional career since 18 working it IT as a software engineer and now have a leadership role there. Have a wife, kid, hobbies, good with money etc. everything looks ‘normal’ from the outside but looking back, I was a master at fitting in and have a collection of masks, one for each scenario I found myself. it does explain my frequent burnout, need for recharge and solitude and an internal war that goes on often. I would love more friends though (but at the same time can also feel protective of my time).

anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? This is also a request for friendship too!  

John. 

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  • Hi I love your post, I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the ages of 34. I have a husband, kids and full time job. I have had friends but they seem to use me as the entertainment then turn on me. I got to the point where I felt like I was searching in the wrong places for friendships so made an account on here. When you get a diagnosis your told this is what you have but no instructions on what to do with that information. I would love to make friends that get it, get me and I get them. I think I get what you mean over being protective over your time. The time I have that I’m not at work is precious and family is very important to me. I’m not the kind of friend that lives in your pocket, I respect boundaries and the other persons need for personal time. 

  • in reply to Villanelle89

    Hey, thanks for replying. I too can relate to the friendship side of things and feelings of being used. I just don’t think I’ve met the right people yet. Exactly as you say, I think it would be lovely to meet someone and not have to explain everything, they just get it and I’d fully understand them too and also not live in their pocket. It would be nice though to catch-up from time to time, even if that means once a month, messaging back and fourth every few mins if energy allow for both, or anything in between. I’m genuinely open (and hopeful) to meet someone genuine in here that wants those things too. 

    it almost feels like my life is a puzzle, having a diagnosis now fits a large part of that. But the friendship side is still missing and over the years have found they were the wrong pieces to the puzzle all along despite trying to make them fit. 

    Have you had much luck finding new friends? I’d be happy to make a new one if you are :) 

    John

  • in reply to JB33

    Genuine people are like gold at the end of a rainbow to find. I pride myself on being real however the world around me isn’t lol.
    I relate to that so much life being a puzzle, wrong pieces, could not have said it better myself. I’m open to friendships, let’s catch up whenever you’re free. 

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  • in reply to JB33

    Genuine people are like gold at the end of a rainbow to find. I pride myself on being real however the world around me isn’t lol.
    I relate to that so much life being a puzzle, wrong pieces, could not have said it better myself. I’m open to friendships, let’s catch up whenever you’re free. 

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