Ive tried to ask in a bunch of other communities like reddit mostly but its full of trolls that just belittle you and dont help at all. Which is, of course, very upsetting when im trying to understand myself more, in hopes to get help or to know what help I should be getting and just end up getting made fun of for something I'm struggling to deal with myself. I've turned to here in hopes of anyone else who has autism that can relate to anything im going through or give me any guidance, so please don't make fun of me and hear me out, because I know it's weird.
But for a few years now, I've been struggling to watch anything new, especially anime and things that contain romance. I've learned that it possibly stems from jealousy that my life is so boring and feels insignificant compared to it, even if I know it's all fiction or that the show is depressing and I would in fact, not want to exist in such a universe. But I'm especially drawn to high school tropes, even if it makes my chest feel tight with a sense of nausea, presumably because of how miserable my own high school life was. It's heartbreaking, because I used to really enjoy anime before I developed this strange feeling, and I get so frustrated at myself for feeling this way even if I know It can't be helped.
I've also been struggling incredibly with shipping — the idea of pairing two characters together who you'd think be suitable in a relationship. It's harder to see with characters I like, so something I feel stems from jealousy once more, even though I'm fully aware it's fiction and said characters don't exist, I can't help it as that strange tightness in my chest and frustration would resurface. I used to indulge in a lot of self-insert/x reader fanfictions which could be a contributing factor, but I've recently stopped at the realisation, even though I used to really enjoy reading them.
If anybody could let me know if they relate or share any advice with me, it'd be greatly appreciated so I could feel less alone and less like a weirdo for something I seriously can't control even if I resent the feeling.
