TL;DR:
Struggling with lifelong masking, possible autism, burnout, intrusive thoughts, and SSRI side effects. Looking for advice on whether to see my GP and how others coped before/after diagnosis.
Hi everyone,
I’m posting because I’m really struggling and starting to wonder if I might be autistic. I function well on the outside and have always masked successfully at work and in public, but inside it feels like I’m constantly battling my own mind.
I feel broken or defective and fundamentally different to other people. I’ve spent my whole life pretending to be something I’m not just to fit in, and it’s left me exhausted. I struggle badly with day-to-day life — household tasks, focus, motivation, and getting things done all feel overwhelming. I often feel like I don’t know who I really am underneath the masking.
I’m currently taking sertraline 50mg for depression and anxiety, which helps somewhat, but I struggle with side effects such as poor temperature regulation and excessive sweating, which is particularly difficult as I work in a very physically demanding job.
I also experience frequent intrusive thoughts about not wanting to be here, especially when driving. I don’t want to act on them because of my wife and children, but the thoughts themselves are frightening and I don’t know how to make them stop.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who:
- Felt like this before diagnosis or realising they might be autistic
- Found speaking to their GP or seeking assessment helpful
- Has dealt with SSRI side effects alongside autistic traits
- Has advice on where to start with understanding themselves and coping better
I’m not looking for a label for its own sake — I just want to understand myself and learn how to live without constantly fighting my own brain.
Thank you for reading.
