Hello, new here. I do hope I am not intruding as I do not have any official diagnosis, although I am currently going through that with the doctor.
I have recently done 6 months of chemo and put everything I have recently felt down to that. I am sure chemo will mess your brain up due to the chemicals. It feels heightened right now, I asked my cancer specialist if chemo causes autism but he said you are born with it and it chemo wouldn't 'give' you autism.
The reason I am here is a couple people have asked my partner if I am autistic and I always thought autism was something people with learning difficulties have.
My knowledge of autism came from researching it online to see if my 4 year old son has it due to his behaviour for restlessness and strong routines. The more I read, the more I thought it sounded like the way I think and do things. I have always been the strange, quiet one, lost in my own thoughts and no antidepressants or therapy helps.
I did the tests online like most do and they all said something is there. I have the form to fill out and I just end up staring at it. I do not understand the questions. My Dad is no longer here and I can't speak to my Mum about mental health as it doesn't really exist to her. It took me so long to tell her I was having CBT and she believes the medication I am on just makes things worse.
All my life I have been told 'He is a day dreamer and if I applied myself I would achieve something in my life'. I am fast approaching 40 and I feel like a lost soul. The pressure in my head forces me down and I cannot move and anything little that doesn't go to plan it feels like there's no point in leaving my bed. No one understand me. I want to fit in and I struggle socially and I really don't understand when people have conversations, like they are speaking a level above me. I have always masked with alcohol. Sorry I am rambling..
