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Disclosure of ASD in particular when dating

TheBlackSheep

I’m curious, 32 and diagnosed at 31. Have had many long term romantic relationships but always fell short.. obviously now I know why. Friendships I find are a lot easier because I’m very good at masking for shorter periods of time. I’m new to all this confusion but now feel that in most situations I must tell someone I have ASD. I don’t quite know why, if it’s because I don’t want to come across as weird or make the other person feel uncomfortable. If I tell I feel like I can ease off on the masking that just drains me and ultimately it’s not who I am. So to my question, is this common? Do others feel the same? And now thinking of dating again (have been on a few) I say but, should I? When’s right when’s wrong when I can mask very well is it fair on the other person?

This is my first ever post and I look forward to reading people’s responses and experiences. I am also very proud to be here and grateful there’s a community for us. 

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  • TheBlackSheep said:
    now feel that in most situations I must tell someone I have ASD.

    I would say this is a subject for after 5 or 6 dates - I've experienced so much uneducated stigma about this that I'm reluctant to disclose unless it looks like things are going to get serious.

    I will say that I "don't" do things like loud bars because I struggle to filter out conversations, or that I've never been great at articulating complicated emotions even though I do feel them. 

    This helps you choose your meeting grounds so you can be more authentic - quirky even and use your more natural personality to win the partner over. Because you are being reasonably authentic then the avoidance of a label such as autism means you are not lying to them.

    Certainly leave off masking as much as you can - this is a form of lying about what you really are in a way so it is a poor groundwork for a relationship. Only use it when you have to in order to avoid being pushed towards burnout or meltdown.

    That would be my advice.

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  • TheBlackSheep said:
    now feel that in most situations I must tell someone I have ASD.

    I would say this is a subject for after 5 or 6 dates - I've experienced so much uneducated stigma about this that I'm reluctant to disclose unless it looks like things are going to get serious.

    I will say that I "don't" do things like loud bars because I struggle to filter out conversations, or that I've never been great at articulating complicated emotions even though I do feel them. 

    This helps you choose your meeting grounds so you can be more authentic - quirky even and use your more natural personality to win the partner over. Because you are being reasonably authentic then the avoidance of a label such as autism means you are not lying to them.

    Certainly leave off masking as much as you can - this is a form of lying about what you really are in a way so it is a poor groundwork for a relationship. Only use it when you have to in order to avoid being pushed towards burnout or meltdown.

    That would be my advice.

Children