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Disclosure of ASD in particular when dating

TheBlackSheep

I’m curious, 32 and diagnosed at 31. Have had many long term romantic relationships but always fell short.. obviously now I know why. Friendships I find are a lot easier because I’m very good at masking for shorter periods of time. I’m new to all this confusion but now feel that in most situations I must tell someone I have ASD. I don’t quite know why, if it’s because I don’t want to come across as weird or make the other person feel uncomfortable. If I tell I feel like I can ease off on the masking that just drains me and ultimately it’s not who I am. So to my question, is this common? Do others feel the same? And now thinking of dating again (have been on a few) I say but, should I? When’s right when’s wrong when I can mask very well is it fair on the other person?

This is my first ever post and I look forward to reading people’s responses and experiences. I am also very proud to be here and grateful there’s a community for us. 

Parents

  • I was diagnosed at 59. For me, my masking/camouflaging has become an integral part of who I am. Apart from exhaustion, due to over-socialising, masking causes me no discernible distress. The concept of unmasking is essentially meaningless to me. My wife got me, my masking and my autism as a package. We met decades before I had any inkling that I might be autistic. Outwardly my camouflaging is essentially seamless most of the time, so I have never had any dilemma to face about whether or not to mask or whether or not to reveal my autistic status. Such is the wide range of the autistic lived experience.

  • in reply to Martin

    Very interesting, getting the cogs turning in my head. Thank you for sharing much appreciated 

Reply Children
  • in reply to TheBlackSheep

    I'd be up front about it, I am with potential friends and I would be with potential romatic partners too, I'd rather get it out of the way and not having hanging about like a guilty secret. Also if someones going to go all stupid about it, I'd rather know sooner rather than later, before I've put to much emotional investment into them.