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Mind-Blindness, Cassandra Syndrome, and Neurodiverse Relationships

KopiKestrel

Hi everyone,

(I also posted this on reddit. I'm trying to find an autistic community that I can feel safe having these conversations)

I'm hoping to get your thoughts on the ideas of mind-blindness and Cassandra Syndrome. How have you successfully navigated these challenges in a relationship? 

I'm struggling to find constructive ways forward with my partner because of conflicting information we're finding online. My partner is finding resources and articles that directly contradict both my lived experience as an autistic person and the guidance I'm receiving from my therapist.

I'm hoping to hear your advice on how you've successfully navigated these challenges and pushed back against harmful stereotypes. The core conflicts we keep running into boil down to two specific ideas:

  • The assumption that autistic individuals have fundamentally different emotional and relational needs compared to non-autistic people (e.g. less emotional needs).
  • The idea that Cassandra Syndrome is an experience exclusively limited to the non-autistic partner.

I want to be perfectly clear: The pain caused by communication differences in a neurodiverse relationship affect both partners. The problem is that these false assumptions perpetuate harmful stereotypes that only increase the pain.

For context, here are some of the types of online sources that I believe are disseminating misleading information:

Parents
  • KopiKestrel said:
    here are some of the types of online sources that I believe are disseminating misleading information

    From what I have read, Cassandra Syndrome is not a formal medical term but a grouping of issues under the complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder category.

    I think because it has not been adopted as any sort of formal diagnosis then it is open to whatever people assign to it, leading to the wooliness you are seeing online.

    KopiKestrel said:
    I'm struggling to find constructive ways forward with my partner because of conflicting information we're finding online.

    My advice is to not focus on this rabbit hole of labels for the issue - break it down to the component issues and work through them on their own but always with an experienced couples counseller / therapist who has a track record of working with ND/NT couples.

Reply
  • KopiKestrel said:
    here are some of the types of online sources that I believe are disseminating misleading information

    From what I have read, Cassandra Syndrome is not a formal medical term but a grouping of issues under the complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder category.

    I think because it has not been adopted as any sort of formal diagnosis then it is open to whatever people assign to it, leading to the wooliness you are seeing online.

    KopiKestrel said:
    I'm struggling to find constructive ways forward with my partner because of conflicting information we're finding online.

    My advice is to not focus on this rabbit hole of labels for the issue - break it down to the component issues and work through them on their own but always with an experienced couples counseller / therapist who has a track record of working with ND/NT couples.

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